and the impoverished was invigorated...

the mighty eReps of PS were all dull, lacklustered and uninspired last night 'til early morning today. nobody had enough of their own money to even buy themselves decent meals; almost everybody has been scourging their small coin purses and gathering enough change to buy themselves food from 7th floor foodcourt. salary day was moved to a 31.

a 180% turn from the mighty attitudes of the eReps during the first days after salary day. everybody having a good time, spending too much on over-priced meals, and extravagant mall and bar hopping during weekends, or restdays depending on schedules... eReps mutates to Ninja turtles who feast over 20 inch monster pizzas and KFC's that they can hardly consume and are often times left in the pantry as leftovers... taxi rides are chicken feed, and gas consumption for road trips are least of their worries...

early morning today, before i left the building, dark heavy clouds loom over the PS floors in JG. all computer monitors have a common color combination white background, red banner and small icons forming a circle. everybody's on bancnetonline... carefully and patiently refreshing it every second; hoping with the next F5 key press, the 2digit figure on account balances will increase... text messages from people on their RD's keep flooding cellphones asking for updates...

9 hours ago... standard chartered accounts were all replenished... and 8 hours later chinabank managed to cross it's country's Great Wall to put cash on eReps accounts... even if the salaries for this cut-off are way off mark with the expected cash flow everyone is expecting, (salaries are hacked by numerous cash deductions, and gov't plundered taxes...) everyone was invigorated...

everyone has only one thing in mind...

how to spend their hard earned, and eagerly awaited dough; fast enough to spend it and treat themselves to luxury before they starve themselves again to a point when they can barely make it till next week; and hungrily wait till next payday...

work is no more fun...

days are becoming longer these days...

i was always known as an early bird for everything... same goes for my shift... i would always be at least an hour early for work and i tend to always have a positive outlook with my job, no matter how mentally challenging it can become...

that was then. i really don't know if it's just me or is it caused by many circumstances that i have been through lately or it is just the summer heat. i really don't know.

just the thought of going back to work is beginning to be a challenge. is it because of the work load that has been lain over our backs to heave, us being elnk's universal agents? is it because of the fact that people i have worked with though the past years have left or has very nearly planned resignations? or is it because of the new celphone-less, browsing-deprived, network restricted ops floor policies that have just been laid out? is it the fact that i have been working on this account with no growth at all? am i already tired of the work i'm doing? is it the negative vibes that has been looming all over our ops floor? is it just because if my latest QA score where i just got a highlight on the scale?(damn my QA! damn her for being OC!)

or is it my personal life affecting my job? i haven't settled my personal bouts yet... i have been bearing a lot of problems from back home. i haven't been mentally at peace with my love life situation. i dont want to give up on my Ex. pathetic as it may soound, i still not over it yet. many times i have been tempted to move on and find a new one (it wasn't as hard as i thought it maybe!); but there is something in me that somehow still feels for cindy. i don't know. is it also because of our impending high school reunion wherein i'm not that confident to face my classmates yet? i don't know.

i really don't know much lately...
but one thing i know is that i'm not thrilled to work here anymore...
i'm tired...

if someone can shed light on these feel free to keep it to yourself... :P
kidding...

i just wanna lie down, lick my paws and clean myself to sleep. i don't wanna think anymore.
i'm just tired...

Access: Denied

and i thought banning celphones on the Ops floor was bad...

our demented VP in PS removed access to all networked drives. one can't even access the local drive of the machine he is logged on to. All right-click actions are restricted, and run and command prompts are of no use; the desktop icons are gone, and all archived mails are locked. they warned us that they will remove our personal drives last week , and they instructed us to save our files to our desktop or local drives; and the numbskulls locked all file access... Genius!

and we are a technical support account...
great, just great...
im not having fun anymore...

wholly weakened

and it was time to reflect...

i was lucky enough to have such a blessed schedule at work this period, i have friday dawns to late mondays sunset times of no work... as i write this blog, i am already on my way to the province... i know i have nothing much to expect from our dear old little barrio nothing specail that is... but that nothingness is what i crave for this week. this is also a "holy" weekend season... and it should extra nothingness to our set-up back home.

i have been through a lot about this past quarter of 2005. and i have done things that i am not so proud of, and have had too many not so shining moments... i have had slumps in life, and i personally know all of my wrong doings... i want to change... that i know... and i would take this time off to gather my thoughts and regroup my scattered being.

each and every person has their own cross... i'll learn to deal with mine... and if possible try to heave it with a smile.

"handheld-less" ops floor...

"oi! bawal na raw celpon sa floor, sabi ni manong gard! iiwan na daw sa guard bago pumasok!" murmured one of my officemates while he was logging out from work.

i just got to the office then, and it didn't really sink in that much. at least not yet. i went on my business of booting up a pc to set-up my daily tools. the evil stepsisters were again occupying my computer... i never argue with bad-ass ugly people, so i never bothered confronting them.
then as the sun started to put itself to sleep... more and more murmurs, and whispers were heard about such a stupid idea.

then at 2AM, the stupid idea grew into a policy; now it's official. Tim Miller, emailed everyone he can find on his address book, and announced th "no cellphone/PDA" device rule on the floor. the reason behind the silly idea was indeed more stupid, and baseless... he noted, and i quote, "As offshore outsourcing increases, more customers are inquiring as to how we protect their data & what we can do to increase their comfort level. "

he thinks that restricting ops peeps with their handhelds can help restricts information leakage. we all have outlook and email access, for God'd sake!!!

each gmail account can hold 1Gig of information, and each email account has 50 invites; do the math, that's a whopping 50Gb storage space available for just one individual! if one was to get sensitive information from out databases, no one will use or utilize the puny 10 - 90Mb memory of a handheld. what would one do with such information anyway! we just use our mobile to text our loved ones and call people from the real world who we left behind to be in a friggin nocturnal callcenter environment! i have 11 hours of office work, not including the pre and post shift stays... that accounts to almost 15-17 hours!!! im more in the office than anywhere else in a day!

they say for emergency purposes, family can call the work force... yeah right! as if they will patch over the calls to us, and one more thing, how about people whose families are in the provinces! Inconsiderate fools!

i don't know where that psycho got the idea he can protect information if we were cellphone deprived! and what ticks me most is the fact that only the underpaid and overworked slave eReps are to be affected; all of them bad asses get to keep their CP's. it's not fair!
if they were really into security, consider it illegal to have a pen and paper at work , for one can utilize them to write their oh-so-precious information! or before logging out from work, check the palms of all agents for one may write credit card numbers on them!

PSYCHOS!!!

two less lonely people in the world...

just got to my workstation, while i was cleaning out my Outlook (yep, it was crammed up again by my spammer officemates, especially Nathan Lifesuck. :D, the duke of spammers...); when suddenly i had that funny feeling that everyone was staring at me... it was not just a feeling... my friend from work was hollering my name..."Mr. R.C.F", (he loves calling people by their complete names). i couldn't hear them because i had Tamia blaring "officially missing you". "Bago sapatos, ah!", Chris snickered, looking at my Nike's. I just smiled back. yep, i treated myself to a new pair of rubber shoes the moment i got my tooth ripped out of my mouth. then he teasingly asked me "meron ka naman music, baka stephen bishop na naman yan... Musta na kau ng girl mo? ok na ba kayo?". i replied, "Ganun pa ren, alang kwenta... lang pagbabago." "Kami nag-usap na kami(referring to his gurl) kahapon. Ok na kami ngaun", he happily added... I playfully and jokingly thought to myself... "HMP! kaya pala ang saya mong magtanong! HMP! Ok na pala kau! HMP..."

honestly, i really felt sincerely happy for him; for them. i for one know how much the feeling sucked... err... sucks to be out of a relationship, (oh yeah, it sucked 1000folds that of a toothache); a relationship, both parties (usually) wanted to work; a relationship cherished by the man and the woman who made it and share it.

i have been playing a role as a love doctor to my friends, even way back in high school; ironic to the fact that i was a girlfriendless aleck back then. i am proud to say that i was and is an effective advisor to my schoolmates and friends, that i was able to patch up most of their heartproblems. i always thought highly of love, and i will continue to do so.

it pains me to think about the hurt one has to bear during LQ's and squabbles...
it is really rewarding for me just to see that they were able settle their differences, and go on with life, with their hands still clasped strongly to one another.

same feelings go out for my friend Chris. i was 10% envious, of the fact that he managed to get his girl back already :'( but still 90% of me is very glad that they were able make it through another one of lovelife's problems... and I wish them luck in the years ahead...

The world is a sea full of sorrows; it has more than enough supply of lonely people that could last it 5more centuries... good thing there are... (as howard greenfield and the rest of Air Supply would put it...) "two less lonely people in the world, tonight...

this too, shall pass...

no matter how hard everything seems; how hard and unending it may seem, everything has an end. it has to end sometime...

same goes for toothaches...

after a 2hour surgery, P1000 worth of mefenamics, and antibiotics, 2 days of confinement, 2 quarts of tears and a wide array of prayers to saints and holy people i barely new the names... it's over.
i have managed to get the better of my nemesis...
my third molar was out...

no more misery, no more tears, no more sleepless nights...
good thing my mum was with me, i have someone to take care of daily stuff while i was recovering. hospital food usually sucked even after surgery, we had pizzas for dinner... nothing of that soft diet crap... though it hurt, it was bearable, and i was assured a will be 100% pain free in the coming week.

toothache free... yep, i'd love that...
looking forward to that.

there are really some fights that one can win, some, one may lose but small wins they may seem, we must appreciate them, for most of the time, small victories matter in winning wars...

when One beomes Two...

last night before my shift started, my lunch buddie and seatmate in the office came in late, late at least based on her standards for she is one if those early birds coming into work... she was crying. i was on a call, then hitting the mute button i whispered to her, "you ok, gurl? " she looked at me and she shook her head, and she mumbled, "nde", in her saddest face i've ever seen. this is a girl who i have never seen unhappy (look at my testi for her).

i thought to myself, this is serious, something is wrong... then she reached for her headset and called her boo.

they were fighting. i thought to myself, for a girl who has always been happy and contented with life to be cryin and this upset, the guy must have had done her wrong that bad... i went on with my call and as soon as i finished, i turned to her and in a condoling tone, i asked her, "baket? (why?)". "ang tanga tanga kase! ang tanga tanga!" i continued lookin at her as if asking for more information. "biro mo, sasabisabihing tumawag ako , tapos wala naman pala sa kanya yung cellphone!", she added angrily. with my elbows resting on my knees, i almost dropped myself on the floor. "yun lang?" i dumbfoundedly remarked! "OO! ang tanga tanga kase, pudpud na daliri ko pagdial, walang sumasagot, yun pala wala sa kanya cellphone, nagpatawag pa!" still perplexed with the simplicity of the situation and how bugged she was, i turned my back, and went on with my business.

again, my mind began being filled with thoughts about love; how good it feels to have love spicing up one's life and how bitter it is to lose it.

my mind drifted again to neverneverland and i remembered the times i have spent with my ex. i know it feels really pathetic inside out; many criticize me because it has been two months already and i have yet to recover fully from my last heartache. many do not know our love story, that's why they can never understand what that girl meant to me. then again, i am one of those people blessed with the characteristic of being unaffected by other people's opinions.
i still miss her. even if we still go out, it's not the same as it was before. i've been with her for seven years, and it seems only like yesterday when i called her baby, and now it seems i hardly know her... it hurts still...

but life has to go on. in fact i'm moving on... hurting still... but moving on.
considering what my ex and i has gone through the years, my officemate's problem seems very petty. of course, i don't know them long enough to judge them; im sure they have had their own share, but one thing is for sure, ours were ten folds worse, andwe got through it all before... why one may ask? we faced them both hands clasped with one other... it was always us two against the world... we conquered each and every trial that life threw at our direction. we dodged most of them, and conquered the rest. but what broke us apart was the fact that it was not the world against us. it was the two of us...

(Damn! as i write this letter, stephen bishop cried "Separate Lives" again! i should really consider deleting this from my playlist... chaka na lang...)
i just thought and realized that from all of the break-ups that i have heard of, the common denominator is if one of the couple should give up on the relationship, or one would let go of the partner... they have all been torn apart by each other and not by others, and situations, but by themselves alone... they were never external...

i thought to myself, if that were the case, people who have found true love are indeed very lucky; very blessed people indeed! people who have loved their partners and have grown old with them till their gray. i envy those people.
and they say life is fair... tsk... tsk... tsk...
i have one word for these people

N-A-I-V-E.

my tooth still hurts... :'(

Daily Perks

my friend's sup at work, once asked his agents,"aside from sweldo, ano pa reason bakit kau pumapasok?". He asked me the same question... i nosebled...
many see callcenter work as very simple kind of job; you come in, sit your ass for 8-11 hours in front of a computer then take calls...
many do not realize, how stressful some calls can become, especially with "E". one call may start from a simple one question, one answer to a complex 4 computer, intermittently connecting home network bound by E- supplied routers that lost their internet connectivity on two computers, and lost their emails after installation of E's programs, not to mention their emails are not working because of billing issues as result of duplicate accounts...
bummer....
when pau asked me about what i look forward to the start of a work day... i thought... nosebled... then i smiled... :-)
i personally think everyone needs an inspiration to go to work. 11 hours is tough to spend in an evironment enveloped by all-work and no-fun things... just the sight of our avaya phones and our dull gray computer monitors just make me wanna throw-up... especially in my shift where only 5 people are staffed on the average...
it's a good thing that we have moved back to our original floor where a different department of our company burrows it's head...
one of them is my daily perk. i call her taguro2. she is not the prettiest of women but there is something in her that catches my attention... she is my daily perk... she is the reason why i go to work everyday... save for the money part of course...
but bad thing is she's been absent for 2 days now... her co-workers say she had been sick... i wish that she will get well soon... i miss her... :(

bad trip... i still have my stubborn toothache... i have low energy, and "perk-less". this is going to be a long night...

give me liberty, or give me toothache

tor·ture (tôr'chər)
n.

1. infliction of severe physical pain as a means of punishment or coercion.
2. An instrument or a method for inflicting such pain.
3. Excruciating physical or mental pain; agony: the torture of waiting in suspense.
4. Something causing severe pain or anguish.


i've been very pre-occupied during the past few days... not with work, not with women, not even with sleep.

i've been persistently tortured, tormented by a possibly impacted wisdom tooth! the first time it bothered me was about 3-4 years ago when the bastard started emerging it's ugly face from my ripped gum. i was 3rd year college and it costed me 5 schooldays, 12 sleepless nights and around P 500 - P 700 worth of painkillers!

got it checked up, and light cured -filled then my misery was over... so i thought...

4 days ago, the demon was for some reason disturbed from his long dormancy... first i thought, nah... i should go away in a day... drank 1 ponstan 500, 1 amoxicillin 500, 1 biogesic 500, and then gargled betadine oral antispetic myself to sleep... yep, i groggy, borderline overdosed... and heart was throbbing at 90mph... but i told myself, i'll be fine by the afternoon...

Man, was i wrong!!!

I need to go to work that afternoon. the moment my trusty old toothbrush entered my mouth, "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

i hit the darn thing dead center, and i just died!
i felt every nerve ending in my body rip , and my whole jaw was throbbing, and ARGH!!!
that's the most excrutiating pain i have ever experienced!

that was 4 days ago, here i am now, still in pain, getting through the day with the aid of paracetamols, mefenamics, and amoxicillins... duwanna absent my self from work, so i decided to wait it out till my rest day... one more day... 24 more hours... and i can already have that freaking imp out of my mouth for good! i don't care if it's still a good tooth; i want it out, my dentist advised me root canal, but friends who had undergone same operation described pain as thrice the original problem. give me all kinds of other operations, and i will watch it done on me. my microdiscectomy (slipped spinal cord disc operation) was no challenge for me, just don't give me dental aches...

life sucks... :'(

and days became longer...

most of the time people complain of the things they already have. people don't tend to appreciate things that surround them... from material things like their car being old and not the latest SUV bir truck or the 2F2F Nissan Skyline; their Nokia mega-pixel cam with PDA functions that has bluetooth and wifi capabilities wishin it would be the newly laucnhed tera-pixel, rainbow-colored tooth, broadband pda phone that can also be used as a vacuum cleaner; to our special someones... :'(

also one thing we always take for granted is the daily routine that we live by day-in and day-out.
some are bored to death with their daily set of tasks and are always asking for changes... we always take for granted the fact that that routine we hate is a day gone by with ease and it just means that we can bear it... a boring routine based and lived day means it was smooth sailing...

i was one of those who took for granted that uninteresting, tiresome and dull life...

it's my second day that my unloved, and uncared by life was made more miserable by my toothache... graveyard work was made worse, and longer i might add... eating was transformed from bliss to a challenge, and the feeling of being unloved was made more obvious and distinct...
i miss my girl... if she were here... pain could have been more tolerable... life will be less miserable.

but then again, for now, i'm alone... bordered by four big walls of my apartment, stared at by three lonely puppies on my poster... whimpering still in pain ... ;'(

"trooth hurts"

and i thought heartaches were the worst...

a badder, meaner, devislishly more sinful form of physical is bound my way...
an old foe... an old archenemy...my own personal nemsis...

just the thought of it, makes me shiver...

...my wisdom tooth is starting to ache!

Help me, oh Lord... this is going to be a long week...

chocogem and the 33rd floor pantry...

our office pantry is host to an array of exciting beverages... soap-tasting coffee, bland-looking creamer, unsweetened sugar, Lipton tea bags (im no fan of tea...), and chocogem (a three-in-one chocomilksugar mix). if you're lucky, you may find half drank 1.5 liter "unspirited" cokes, 3 day old C2 bottles, unopened KFC or Jollibee take out drinks still left untouched inside the plastics with 15-20 unused straws, 20 day X colas in the ref and loads of left over starbucks frap foams... take note... foams... left over foams still cherishly stored in our dear old ref. still couldn't figure out why would anyone leave the foams... autistic.

but then again, everyone in our floor is autistic... we only vary in the degree of autism that has dawned upon each and everyone of us...

our pantry is like a 4-5 foot walled enclosure built for weight conscious poeple. why? it is the most diet-conducive(if there is such a word) place i've ever seen... when you take out your lunch to eat there, you will be stripped of your appetite once you see the elnk posters bordering each and every wall, reminding you of each and every new split skill available for your job on your way to "universal agent-dom". this is especially effective when you're just alone, in taking your lunch because you will be facing an-ill colored yellow wall of nothingness... if you're not alone, everyone you meet in the pantry will either be taking a breather from a long call or ranting about how ill scored his QA was, or how high is his/her AHT... next thing you know, appetite is gone; it's either you would eat quickly, or not eat at all...

thank God for mangdo, and kungfu chicken... but then you can only have much of them in a week.

that's why i like chocogem, just take one or two packs and your good for another 3-4 hours... then you can have real breakfast... until then...

no wonder we are all autistic...

Life Reformat 101

i got up early today to go to Pau's house to get OS installers and patches for my Ex's pc. I, again have entasked myself, or a better word for it was volunteered myself to fix their pc for them. some patches for winxp were added by her cousin and ended up with a messed up registry... a reformat was needed.

i bought her some flowers first before going to Pau's house. i was really not myself this morning. i almost paid double for the mums i bought my girl, because i forgot i already handed the man what's due. it's a good thing i bought the flowers from my old school's flowershop. the salesperson was kind enough to return my dough... i was nervous.

i just spent an hour at my friend's house to get the stuff i needed for her pc's operation. then i went straight to C's house to try to fix it as soon as possible so i can buy myself time to get some more sleep for my shift tonight.

when i got there, she was busy cleaning the house in her nice but sweaty gray razor top, and her black cycling shorts. they were preparing for a mini feast. it was her cousin's birthday. I sat myself down in their couch, and just watched her. She was also making something out of the flowers i bought her last week. they're still fresh and still pretty. though not as pretty as my girl... ex-girlfriend that is... (for now, i wishfully-thinking said to myself, for now...just for now)

then she was to take a bath, when i pointed to the pc, gesturing if i can already work on it. then she smiled. it was the most beautiful smile.

i whipped out the surgeon's tools: 2 winxp installers; 1 main and 1 back up, ms office xp cd, 256MB sd card, card readers and loads of driver packs...

after saving back up on the slave, i quickly ran the winxp in the BIOS screen... i unpartitioned the primary drive, then tried to do 2 partitions... everything was going smoothly then light flickered... power surge! then the dreadful blue screen of death!

of course i didn't let them notice that i'm as cold as ice already! if it were my pc, i'd be calm. i know how to work out these things... but this my girl's pc! i was coldbooting and clickin and clickin when C playfully hit me in the head, snarling, "Baket ka na naman bumili nito!", hitting me with flowers i had bought her. then i turned around and once again i saw her with her bossy stance, hands on her waist and a playful smirk on her face... i smiled back at her...

when i turned around, her pc somewhat afraid of it's boss got itself out of it's coma, started working again... C went about her business and i had gone about mine...

i would say that computers are also like women... they can be so stubborn... i had to do 5, yep, 5 reformats just to get that darn thing up running... after finally making her internet connection work on her pc... i turned around to my girl and said done... im done... im beat... it's 4pm... i have shift later at 8. sh*t! good luck to my calls later; then she sat by me, and smilingly went about her newly cleaned not to mention souped up pc... she was happy. i was happy...



we handed over the pc to her older brother and her cousin... she popped in Shrek2 cd and sat down on our fave couch... then everythign came back to me. i was home... i have my girl by my side, we are in our fave couch, we have her cats circling the room, watching a movie... all the miseries are worth it.

i know we can't hurry love... specially in our case right now. but somehow me rubbing shoulders with love again, with her by my side, with the smell of her hair... something's can never be wrong... i won't rush her... it's all a matter of time...

love is like pc's; multiple reformats are frustrating, but when you get it right... it's bliss.

Trip to Quaipo ver. 0.86

couldn't help myself from going out my way to make my girl happy... some of my friends see me as a loser... they say life goes on... i should go on and forget my girl. some say, "sayang lang pagod mo, pag wala na, wala na" But i never did care about what people say. I never cared about what people think of me. I took care of myself, and i take care of my family, so i owe them sh*t. and i will not be moved...

had to admit, i had doubts...no, actually it was more of fear. fear of being hurt again. but i asked my ever dependable seatmate Abi, about what should i do... in her simple words, she said, "kung ikasisiya mo, bakit nde?" She is right... if it makes me happy, why not do it.

630am, i found my ass amid the sea, literally sea of flowers at dimasalang... they have the prettiest flowers... I had to find the kind that would match what C is made of, and what she deserves on this special day... It's her first anniversary at kapuso network.

after 2 hours of scouting and canvassing, i got me my gift. it was gorgeous... im excited! though im still contemplating how to give her the flower... will i just have the "manong" at GMA to have it delivered to her office, with an unsigned envelope... or shall i ask her to come down to personally give it to her... im still undecided...

after one lousy jeepney ride from dangwa to quiapo, exhausting overpass climb, a very uncomfortable fx ride from recto to Xing Mrt station, and long walk to the Jamboree entrance, it was 9:30am. Im ready... i finally decided to just ask her to come down an djust give out her gift...

i gave her a ring and there was happy voice on the other line... amid tricycle roars... i asked "where are you?" her schedule was 8am to 5pm, she should be at GMA by now. then she said..."nasa tricycle! nasan ka? "meron ako seminar ngaun, 11 pa pasok ko!" langya. maghihintay pa pala ako... hay...

1 hour 34 minutes later, she came rushing in... she was 4 minutes late... then she cam back out of the gate...with a crumpled forehead... "ano ba yun? bakit ka nagpunta?" then i handed her the flowers... then she smiled...

i waited 6 hours for her, endured a seemingly endless trip from Ayala to Dangwa to Xing to Kamuning, with barely enough to strength and sleep, i saw her for two minutes... two minutes... but for some reason... it was worth it...

Time, Space, Warp...

it's 5:10am, thursday... it just hit me... it's the start of my three day rest day already... my office friend swapped with his Thursday RD for my Sunday since, as he would out it, he "really, really, really" needs it... I gave in... eventhough i had to give up my sunday night couch... and i would also miss ch23 primetime to late night tv series... not to mention the late, very very late night movies on kapamilya or kapuso... darn... why did i ever give in... oh well... he is a friend, and he's also a family man. let him have it... carlo... let go...

let go... such simple words... yet so strong...
i was already moving on... yeah Im heartbroken, fine... i admit... i had to let her go... she was asking for space... fine... i'm no selfish man... i let go... it hurt... but i told myself wallowing is not healthy, not to mention costly... i am moving on... was moving on ...

til i got this email from my ex- lover, C. C emailed me, "Oi, nasa kin yung sunglass mo! nakita ko na!". i tried to ignore it... even if that sunglass costed me 4,000... fine... i thought, hey... i don't need to be reminded anymore... but on my cellphone were 2 sms's... "OI! Shades mo na sa kin"
then for two consecutive days, I have been in contact with her... i have always loved that woman... i can't say i don't want her anymore... that would be sheer hypocracy!

One sms conversation went like this... "Loy, kaw ba nagautoload sa ken?"
12 hours later, i replied, "Oo, ako nga..." (She wasted her load replying to my chikka messages because it costs P3 per reply...). She thanked me and noted it wasn't necesary... "Libre mo ko dinner, gutom na ko", i jokingly texted her...
dunno why, but that's what came to my mind... she said, "Ikaw manlibre, la na ko pera, kakasweldo mo lang...".

the thing is, this is, was how our conversations before usually go... then after fighting the pain of losing her for 7 weeks now... the pain is coming back again...

it really sucks... i feel really pathetic...
im really tempted to invite her out... i know she would go out with me... that's no problem... thing is it's the after the date is over... i am afraid to get hurt again...

"Baka naman nahanap na nia yung space nia?", argued my Pau when i told him about the matter... SPike, Pau's special someone says, "Ganun talaga babae, pag nararamdaman na nila na lumalayo ka na, dun ka nila hahabulin...". "Pero wag muna ka sumama... wag ka muna pumatol sa bitag...", commented Spike. I was really bothered by the term "bitag " she used... I got too confused with it that i never got the chance to have her elaborate on it...

I'm confused... I nose bleed...

today is her 1 year anniversary at her work in GMA. im very much tempted, at the same time hesitant to get her a present... at least a flower... im confused... i want to go to Dangwa and buy her flowers... she loves flowers... but what will it mean to her? now that it won't be coming from her BF but a newly inaugurated ex... what am i trying to imply? i dunno...

Im confused... I nose bleed...

24/7 parlor?

my hair is already 1 month old, it's been bugging me for the past couple of days now.

someone to put a parlor business for call center people, er... maybe not just call center people but also people in graveyard shifts... or nocturnal people for that matter I got off work 5am this morning was already on a hunt for a barber shop... I know... i know... not one barber shop is crazy enough to open at 5 am in the morning but just wishful thinking, with only 2 hours of energy left I went off to scout the dark and gloomy streets of Boni. I started from the McDo area near the MRT station to the tiny weeny alleys of the outskirts of the mighty Boni.

Next thing I know, it's 7 am already and I'm in the middle of nowhere, actually I'm already in the Ortigas area... and still no barber shop in sight.

I took a cab back home... yes, it's that far already! no wonder I'm dead tired... So, i told myself, "nah, just forget it, mamaya na nga lang bago pumasok! tsk tsk tsk..."

"HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR, EIIYOH!!! COOBA COOBA COOBA, HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR", goes my alarm... it's 4pm... just giving myself 30minutes to shower and dress up then i rushed to the nearest parlor. There it was... finally it's open... yes it's open... with at least 7 freakin customers in line! ARGH!

well, that's life. you just gotta deal with it. tomorrow is another day...
but how i wish someone will think of investing on a 24/7 parlor shop... or at least a GY shift friendly one...

Space, Anyone?

Damn...
I have always considered myself strong in everything I do, and I have alwaya managed to dodge each and every obstacle life has evr thrown at my direction... I am strong, and has been strong... I am a survivor... I have nine lives... has yet to waste one... That was me. Lately i have found myself lying in my bed, actually not a bed... it's more of one ply bed cushion mattress with just enough cotton inside to make the floor "sleep-able". Bored and uncontented... Not that this was the first time i felt such, but this time I think I felt I'm dying, or at least a part of me is dying...I have been trying my best to make do of the days... I have never felt this down in my life.
There is an immense emptiness; - a word really found (take note found) corny, inside.
Then my phone rang; it was my good friend from work, Pau blaring at his newly bought and abused Sun Sim... "Dude! punta ka na dito! Kain tayo!" 30 minutes later, I found myself in an Ayala bus, aremd still with my SAP packed with mp3's... all was well and good... I was starting to feel better when Stephen Bishop started with his "Separate Lives" sh*t. F*ck! I'm back to square one! Being heartbroken by the woman you I loved for 7 years was bad enough, but what's worse than that is living life after she had gone out of my life. She is still out there lookin for space... Space. Damn...
The bad thing about long time relationships is that it will involve almost each and every place around you, each and every song on the radio, each and every event and occasion; and it hurts everytime you come across them... it hurts bad...I really miss my girl. Damn... as soon as the song stopped, I found myself in from of the JG summit elevator...Damn... I'm at work again.Life sucks...