jumbled thoughts...

i wonder what my last night's dream meant...

i saw a dozen, semi-wilted white roses artistically placed and dipped on a yellowish green half-filled vase; placed beside it are two newly cut, angelic white roses, both in full bloom...

******
somethings are too good to be true...
...just too good to be true.

******
i've been in this situation before.
the end is near... i can feel it. i'll just make the most of what i still have...

...i'm scared.

******
none of these thoughts are related... i'm not even sure i'm making any sense...
i'm confused...

i thought i had evrything figured out... how wrong i was... how wrong, i was...

old friend...

i recently chanced upon an old friend of mine early this afternoon on the bus ride home from greenhills. this guy is someone i've known all my life, so seeing him again after quite a while was really a thrill!

the ride home was really long because traffic, as always, was a mess. we started talking and he opened up to me about the recent love situation he found himself under. this is a guy who never falls in-love quickly, because he falls in-love deeply; too deep, it almost always crushes him when it fails. he is too careful in choosing partners.

he found himself, again, in-love with a woman from his work place; whose heart, he had apparently stolen from the her long time beau. he said, the lady chose him over the other.

he was guilt-stricken, that's why he tried to patch things up for the two. but the girl, he thought at that time had already fallen for him, and the guy on the other, was still too crushed to even think right, and did not choose to fight for their relationship. days went on, and they started dating seriously.

things were all good for both of them, he said. their office friends are more than happy for both of them; work began to seem less stressful and all was good and fine.

while all these were happening, the beau the lady had, kept in touch with his girl. my friend says, though they are together most of the time, he knew deep inside that the lady he was dating still has her old beau in her heart.

he said, they do what normal dating couples do. but the thing is, the girl, no matter how affectionate she was to him, never told him, uttered the words "I love you..."

my friend was always vocal about his feelings once he gets serious with someone. he kept asking her if she does love him... she always replies only with a smile...

today, he says is not sure anymore. he says he thinks the girl still loves her old lover; she once even told him that she misses him... but her actions speak otherwise.

he says he is not sure anymore. the only he thing he knows is he loves her... everything else is a blur...

i asked him, what are you to do now?
he says he doesn't know.

everything's up in the air...

he asked me, "if you were in my place, what would you do?"

"this is where i get off, bro! nice to see you! keep in touch!", i hurriedly replied.

i got off the bus...

friday night blues...

i'm lost...
again.

i'm in, too deep...
all i wanted was to be happy...

mahirap maging masaya...
...dahil ang mga tao, walang kabusugan
...nde macontento sa mga bagay na meron cia

i'm so down right now...

"qu ni sheng er kuai le"

Today, I am officially a year older again...
damn...

i just wanna greet myself, a Happy Birthday...

it has been a very interesting year for me... i have met too many crossroads in my life this past year; too many decisions made, hence, too many consequences dealt with... many of the things and people i consider pillars of my ever-complicated life, i have lost or have changed beyond my control. too many changes...

i can clearly remember my 23rd birthday...
i was so happy then. i was very contented with the way things were. i had everything in control... i had family, loved one, friends... all from my past years... all of them i consider unshakable...permanent...

i was wrong.

all of them were put to a test this year...
sad to say...
not too many made it...

still, i was fortunate enough to have come across new people and new things to make my days worth living...

the only thing permanent in life is change...

good thing many of them, for me, changed for the better...

happy birthday, carlo.

women and rest days...

today should've been my rest day. the last of my three blessed, work-less days... best days of my week.

as i draft this blog, i'm currently in front of my WORK station. the word "work" has been emphasized for a reason.

it's really interesting how women's minds function. when they want something or want something done, they won't say it out loud, nor would they give you clues on how you can fulfill their wishes. only thing you'd know is that they are not doing well or worse, they're pissed. one would have to guess, based on their actions how to go about sating their desires. and if men were lucky enough to figure out what they really need or want, they won't let you know you've hit the spot! the moment they get sated, they will they deny it! and even act as if they don't appreciate it!

today was one of those days for me...abbie called me up around 3PM, minutes after she woke up for her shift tonight. she keeps on ranting and blabbering about how sleepy she still feels and how she is not-so ready for work yet.

she asked me what is shall be doing tonight. i told her that i would just let the rain stop, and i shall hunt for food then go back home and savor my last hours of freedom in bed... she grew silent... next thing i know she is grumpy and irate, and the call ended on a bad note.

"AH...", i said.

she wanted me to go see her tonight. then that thought was backed up by text messages in batches of three... "punta ka naman d2, la ka naman ginagawa db?"
fine.

i set my alarm at 10PM. enough time to get to her before her lunch break.

when i reached the office, i was asked, "bakit ngaun ka lang?" few more minutes passed and i was asked "bakit ka pumunta?"an hour later, "cge na umuwi ka na..."

nice...

women...

argh...