A Cat's Life: Blogged...

How time flies when you're very, very, very busy....

2009-05-29T08:41:00.006+08:00

It's 8:39 in the morning of my last day of the work week. Just finished a 12 hour day and I'm really looking forward to wasting my restdays doing nothing worthwhile.

My mom mentioned last week that she wanted to see the latest Terminator flick and I promised her I'd take her to the movies soon as I have free time...

Me: "Mi, gus2 niong manuod ng Terminator today?"
Mum: "Oo, pero bukas na lang, matulog ka na lang muna dito sa bahay"
Me: "Gusto kong magtulog bukas e. Baket? may gagawin ba kayo today? 10 naman bukas ng megamall. "
Mum: "Wala. Eh di sige, wat time tayo meet? Wag masyadong late para early ren matapos"
Me: "Maaga sana para maaga ren tayo makauwe. " (Thinking early mga 10 i-sa-suggest nia)
Mum: "Okay, meet tayo 2PM. See yah!"

Great.. maaga pa pala ung 2PM sa kanya.. 9 pa lang e.. Even if I leave the office at 1PM, that's still 4 hours that I have to waste. Tsk!

I was Google-ing where I can source 'PAWS' decals which I can stick to my car, and while looking at the different Image results, I stumbled upon a familiar picture. It was Itim! My Blogspot's profile pic!

I quickly clicked on the pic and there it was. My BlogPage is still alive!
Last entry was a year and a month old!

Wow! I can't believe that a whole year has already gone by....
A very busy, yet very fruitful year... a promotion, a new car, trip to Iloilo for meet the parents, new responsibilities, etcetera etcetera....

Thank you, God for all the blessings and I pray for your guidance in everything that I do.

It's now 9:06AM.. great... 3hours and 56mins to go....

Hayz....

Farewell, my friend... you shall be missed...

2008-04-08T08:08:00.001+08:00

I received an sms this morning from a very good friend of mine from way back in high school, and it goes..

A boy asked God, "What's the most important thing to give someone?"
God replied, "TIME, my child..."
"But why time, and not Love?", the boy asked.
"Love you can give that... you can have that, you can share that to anybody... but TIME... you can't stop it, nor control it... and worst of all, you can never bring back time that has passed by. So spend your time wisely and cherish it while you still have it.; Spend time with your loved ones because you never know when your time is over.. " God replied..

this is so true.. sadly, there are certain things that we just can't control... nor change...

four days ago, my dog showed signs of losing appetite. this was not something unusual because my dog has always been very picky by nature.. he does not eat dogfood, rice, and vegetables.. he only eats newly cooked chicken, pork, and beef..

so, i said.. "bahala ka, kung ayaw mo, wag mo!" after i picked up his foodbowl with untouched porkchops freshly fried by my mom..

i didn't really worry that much, because this was not a first time.. there were days when he would not eat at all, but just drink water. He'll start eating again after a day or two.. plus, he didn't really change a bit.. he was still the loudest mouth on the block.. he still barked furiously at flies, little insects, airplanes 10,000 feet above him, birds who tried to snatch his food away; he still played with the cats, biting them on the nape, and dragging them back and forth our backyard; all seemed normal, but one..

his pee had blood.. my mom rang the vet soon as we saw the pool of bloody urine. Vet got to our place, and our dog mutated again to his possessed state of anger, which was his normal mode. Still, the vets checked his eyes, hind limbs, coat, gums, and teeth, even his poo.. all normal.. they gave us prescription drugs for UTI treatment, for they claim that UTI is a normal cause of bloody urine. that's the only thing they could think of. We agreed because, he was never a fan of drinking alot of water; and with all protein diet, we thought we can just fix him with antibiotics and that the cause of his bloody urine was bacterial in nature. On the third day of very minimal food in-take, and with him rejecting medication, we decided to just take him to the vet clinic and have him confined. Early the following morning, my mom gave him a bath, to take him to the vet clinic.

But just like any tragedy story, it was too late. Five blocks on the way to the clinic, my dog threw up once, and the pieces of chicken my mom fed him were still undigested. The second time, was his last. As my mom described it, with the little strength left in him, my dog looked at her in the eyes, cuddled, and then died in her arms...

this was my dog, Souyen, a pure-bred Japanese spitz. One of the most spoiled, if not THE most spoiled dog that we've ever had. The loudest, noisiest dog in our neighborhood. My best friend. Lost to an unknown disease. He was four.

Goodbye, Souyen... We love you... you shall be missed...

Birthday Pic

2007-08-12T01:37:00.000+08:00

im done..

done bitchin bout the bad things that are coming my way..
how i don't have this..
why others have that..
when will this stop...
whatever did i do wrong..

i've decided to just get up, and get a move on..
nothing will happen just blabbering...

just need to deal with things i can't change..
took this pic at Max's Restaurant, Robinson's Manila..

it was my birthday.. no sleep(dark circles on the eyes have Bombay-look effect on me :D), no material presents..

just happy to have the most important gift i got this year..
still, things are not easy.. in fact, things are getting worse.. erm, more complicated..

but i still have my fingers crossed.. i know things will get better.. so long as i have her...

Birthday Blues

2007-08-07T13:49:00.000+08:00

just as expected.. regardless of how sunny days can be during first days of August, it always rains on the 6th.. never fails! 26 years and counting... next year it won't be different.. just hope it's just the rain that won't change..

i'm not saying, birthday was bad.. after all, Dyan flew all the way from Iloilo to Manila to be with me.. and it rained, not just trickle, but down right, i'm-gonna-soak-you-wet-hard rain! woohoo!! love the rain! got the chance to stroll with Dyan under the rain.. simply nice.. very very nice...

so what's wrong? almost everything else! :D

it's just sad to think that when we don't think about serious stuff, things are all beautiful..

but when reality bites(and it's usually down to the bone hard), things start falling apart... and it sucks... sadly we can't live the dream world all the time.. when life gives us a wake up call, we sometimes wake up to a bad dream, or worse, a nightmare..

i wish i can write more positive happy thoughts.. but for now, the most i can do, is wish for better days, months and years to come...

Maybe, my tarot cards are right.. all i can, and should do for now is find a corner, curl up and cry...

- TWENTY-SIX -

2007-08-06T01:50:00.000+08:00

It's the last hours of my RestDay last night.. and yes, I was one at home.. it's been a while since I've been grounded, not by anyone else, but lack of dough to move around with.. :D

It's been a long Dyan-less week for me.. Was watching American Choppers (FLOW bike episode with Mickey's Wheel of Blades), where Paul Sr. Paul Jr. and Mickey were doing back-up for a band for a photoshoot. It's the first time I've heard of the band and the song, so I decided to LimeWire it. Found the song's tune catchy,so I decided to check on the lyrics as well.. My, my.. This is my song!

BAD REPUTATION:

I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
You're living in the past it's a new generation
A (man) can do what (he) wants to do and that's
What I'm gonna do
An' I don't give a damn ' bout my bad reputation

Oh no not me

An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
Never said I wanted to improve my station
An' I'm only doin' good
When I'm havin' fun
An' I don't have to please no one
An' I don't give a damn
'Bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me

I don't give a damn
'Bout my reputation
I've never been afraid of any deviation
An' I don't really care
If ya think I'm strange
I ain't gonna change
An' I'm never gonna care
'Bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me

An' I don't give a damn
'Bout my reputation
The world's in trouble
There's no communication
An' everyone can say
What they want to say
It never gets better anyway
So why should I care
'Bout a bad reputation anyway
Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me

I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
You're living in the past
It's a new generation
An' I only feel good
When I got no pain
An' that's how I'm gonna stay
An' I don't give a damn
'Bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
Oh no, not
Not me, not me

Hehe.. Nice one... it coincides with what I usually say.. "Tell it to someone who cares, because I don't" or "I've stopped caring a long time ago"...

hayz.. it's one of the reasons why I'm usually misunderstood by many.. it's not that I don't really care about anyone or anything... my agents/few friends can attest to that... it's just that i'm not one of those who will change just to please you.. I'm just not built that way... Not gonna kiss anyone's ass to move up in my career, nor will I smile at you, though I really want to strangle you, or hit your head with my starbucks mug, or say I'm okay, when I'm not.. Hayz... not really sure why I'm explaining myself right now.. Must be one of those birthday blues catching up on me...

Damn.. it's 2:30AM... A year older, not a bit wiser... Oh well... I'll try this year... Good start though... It's my 4th birthday here in PeopleSupport... and YES.. i'm in the office.. still... Si Gina kasi e! Nde in-approve PTO ko eh! hayz... Good start because, I still have a job.. new partner in life... and new Motto... no, i'm not gonna scrap the 2 previously mentioned ones though... just an addition..

Watched Pursuit of Happiness recently and Chris Gardner said and i quote, "If You Want Something Go Get It, Period"...

I wanted alot of things in my life.. it's just that I feel that I have not done alot to get to where i want to be, or get what i wanted..

Maybe, I'm a little bit wiser after all.. Just a little bit by knowing this.. but hey, everything starts from small things...

Happy Birthday, Carlo..

-- E N V Y --

2007-07-15T09:16:00.000+08:00

it's been a very long rest day weekend... it would've been nice had it been a long good, relaxing off-the-office weekend.. it wasn't.. it was exciting at first, then turned tiring, then exhausting, then frustrating... had some victories like triumphant move out from Kamuning... out of danger's way; maru's success in warding off his killers... good job, dear! to more frustrating ones like the seemingly endless trek of quiapo, to being party to blame for the barrage of criticisms and sarcastic blows to Dyan... to watching helplessly as dear ones suffer in pain.. to disappointments because of failed operations which we've been praying to work... to being 2seconds salary-rich, then being poor on the third strike of the clock's long hand...

it's 9:28AM... my last morning to sleep til my shift later at 7PM.. end of rest-day.. start of a new week... failed operations, need a think-over if it's worth a second try or is it time for plan B... work-deliverables shall flood again... need to plan for Baguio-trip, God knows how i can afford it this 2weeks before salary, same as Burgoo-meal i promised... ARGH! Bankard statements comes this week, too...

it's 9:34AM...
im here outside our small open-space at the back of the house... Puti is playing fetch the ball, erm, fur-ball with our dog Souyen, her being the ball, as Souyen grabs her by the nape, scrapes her on the ground then tosses her as far as he could, then another and another... on my left is Itim... this is his usual pose by this time of day.. too full to complain, too early to ask for lunch... contented and worry-free...
Mum will always provide them with food, shelter; no problems with work, no QA's to upload.. no bills to pay... no nothing... all that she worries about is how to spend the day..

breakdown of daily schedule (sked mimicked by Puti)
Rest Days Sun - Sat: 6AM - 9PM no Work days...

sleep... Eat, eat, eat... play.. play.. Eat.. sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... play... Eat, eat..sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... eat, eat, eat, Play... sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep...

ENVY....

thank you spiderman...

2007-07-11T10:57:00.000+08:00

it's been a really, really stressful week...

first time in my 25 years that i suffered palpitations, shortness of breath and severe chest pains for almost 2-3 times a day...
first attack, i thought, i just had too many starbuck(one peso only, hence "buck") caffeine shots from our trusty nescafe vendo machine...
but when 2nd and 3rd attack hit me.. i literally fell down on my knees with my headset still on...

reaction? my agents laughed at me...

"Hahaha! supe, ganyan ba talaga kapanget mga calls namen?!! "
still grasping my chest, i grabbed my office chair, rolled my EarthLink Protection Center blanket and laid my very heavy head on it...

"breathe... carlo.. breathe..."
"marame ka pang i-q-QA... marame ka pang agents na i-co-coach..."
"manonood ka pa transformers... " (i know.. it's the second week already.. and yes, i have yet to see it... after waiting for a whole year... after all the anticipation of finally seeing my all-time favorite cartoon/heroes in the big screen.. yes.. i have not seen it yet for lack of time, and lack of money.. yep, i'm that pathetic)

"Think happy thoughts, carlo..."
my stupid agents were still ignoring me.. siyet..
pain was getting worse... migraine attacks followed...
"OMG, is this the end of me? that can't be... mag-aabroad pa ko! susweldo ng malaki... finally nde ko na iindahin ang pagiging sole-bread winner ko! magde-date pa kame ni Dyan next week! bibilhan ko cia Harry Potter book 7... and most important of all, kelangan ko pa makita si Optimus Prime..."

i can't move... i'm having a heart attack...
and i'm alone in my manager's old station which is barricaded by walls, hence no one can see me suffering...

"happy thoughts... happy thoughts... "

finally.. one picture flashed before my eyes... it was Dyan and I's first picture together when we went to Enchanted Kingdom few weeks back...

it was one happy day...

it was one of "free-est" moments... far from everyone else... far from judging eyes of people who knew us; people who knew our situation...

it was one of the best days of my life...

and i am looking forward to have more of those happy moments with my Dyan...

i'm not gonna die here...

sh*t! i'm only 25! too young to retire... not yet! not yet!

i mustered enough energy to raise my head a bit, left arm still grasping my chest...

with a deep breath, i lifted my head higher.. and with one single release of energy, I slammed my forehead on my station!

"UGH!" siyet!

that hurt! but it worked!

my mind is starting to focus on my forehead, and switching it's attention from the chest pains to the big bump on my head....

i got up slowly... and when my knees were strong enough to hold my weight, i dashed towards the elevator lobby to run to the clinic, one floor down..

i immediately asked our company nurse to take my BP...

"120/90", normal po, sir...

normal??

then WTF just happened???

then she did some tests and monitored pulse.. and after an hour of testing and probing...

"you've been under alot of stress, sir... too much stress... you're body can't take that stress anymore... you need to take a breather from your very busy lifestyle.. relax every once in a while", the company doctor said...3

"aba, english speaking ang lolo mo!? astig" i quietly thought as he

gave me lectures about managing stress...

then it hit me...

i didn't need a doctor to tell me that... you don't know shit about me!

being the sole bread winner for the longest time...

having to work with the sh*tty supervisor load that i have with very decent payout, but very very little that's left for myself...

baring with the current situation that i have right now with Dyan and our very complicated situation..

having learned that she was hit by the father of her kid...

having to deal with issues at home with my mum, and her own set of skeletons in the closet...

i'm lucky i'm alive...

i thanked the doctor, packed my bags and went home with Dyan...

now, it's 12:15PM.. i have a shift that starts at 7PM...

i gave my last P100 to Dyan before she rode the MRT and with literally only P4 on my ancient wallet.. oh by the way, did i mention i lost my wallet last month? hayz... STRESS...

anyway, as i was saying, with only P4 in my wallet, 2 shifts to attend til payday this coming saturday morning...

i was left with no choice...

"here spidey-spidey...

sorry, my friend... i know i have not added much for the past few months...

you know my situation, right?

i promise, i'll put everything back if not more, okay?

i'm sorry...

don't worry, i'll take extra care... oryt?

now open wide... "

shit!

i need a new job and a new life.... else.. i might not even reach 26 next month....

monday morning thoughts...

2007-06-11T07:57:00.001+08:00

it was a lazy Monday morning... woke up at 4AM to an SMS alert from Dyan.. she's going through alot lately.. we were going through alot for the past weeks now... she said she wanted to talk, but not now.. we'll meet up later around 5-6PM.. but for now, she just wanted to let me know she's fine.. asked me not to reply anymore.. OK.. i know you'll be fine, dear..

BURY, a friend and officemate of mine, got online on YM..
with nothing much to do, i engaged in a YM conversation with her..

"being good is boring", BURY commented.. we were discussing my lovelife and how men/women tend to complicate their boring lives by deciding to mess with Love...

that is so true. we are all given simple lives; but us, being insatiable beings that we are, tend to ask for what we still don't have, what we desire, what we think will make us happy... and almost everyone will risk all that they have just to get their ways, or at least try..

I did.. i know that i chose a different path to tread.. something only a very few shall even entertain the thought, or conider taking it... i know that the world would be against my decisions which are very off compared to society's norms and standards..

but hey.. i don't care... so long as i have my Dyan beside me.. i know i can make it.. BUT... if i fail, then i fail trying...

i stopped caring a long time ago about what people think..
I chose to be different... so did Dyan.. we chose not to be normal...

Why? because normal people can't be special..

no calls sana...

2006-01-09T19:11:00.000+08:00

it is my day two of the work week. i've been on "avail" status for 31 minutes, still no calls. that's highly unusual for our account which usually has, on the average 10 calls in queue. but hey, no one's complaining... :)

hay... sana ganito lang buong gabi... :)

fine print....

2006-01-03T19:55:00.000+08:00

Remain in me, and I in you. As the branch can't bear fruit by itself, unless it remains in the vine, so neither can you, unless you remain in me
- john 15:4

i received this message from jun, a colleague of mine and decided to forward it to my brother, dale.

he replied,

ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and doors shall be opened for you...

i texted him back,

bro, i ask for one oakley juliet, titanium frame, and fire lens...

he texted back,

it only works if it's good for your soul...

bad trip... fine print!!! HMP!!!

nakakasakit ka na Aiyee!!!

2006-01-02T19:54:00.000+08:00

"January na, Rudy. Malapit na!!!", Ai jokingly greeted her batchmate at work...
their two year anniversary is drawing near...

they are not looking forward to their celebration, but they were discussing about resignation from work...

"Merong application sa IT. isa pa, pag nde pa ko natanggap, ayawan na...", rudy replied.

I feel for them. because i crossed my two years in the company a last december 8. two years of solid work, but no growth. last november, i was offered by a supe from tier2 a slot as strike team. still PS level two , but at least it's tier2 tech support. same day he offered me that spot, i got a call from Siemens asking me to join them as pioneer tech for their in-house account. 4thousand pesos more than i make was offered and a chance for growth. i thought to myself... finally! a break! chance for growth!

in as much as i wanted to go to siemens, i took into consideration the offer made to me by my elnk family. i considered my two solid years and security of tenure... i said to myself, tier2 rin yun. i should be fine... kahit malaki sweldo dun, in-offeran naman ako ng same position...

i declined siemens.

sadly, after the offer was made by tier2 supe, i never heard from him again... Fucker!

i declined a very nice offer to go with my current account only to be declined and to be disappointed... Fucker!

shit... now it's january... still tier1... shit happens...
ai says, "alam mo tinanong ako ng mag friends ko na nasa med school, AI, musta na?"
she jokingly responded, "eto merong job, pero walang career..."

Bad trip ka, AI! sakit yun ah!!!

lost...

2005-10-28T18:33:00.000+08:00

letting go is never easy...
recovery shall take time...
moving on will surely be a challenge...

but these are facts that i have to face,
...again.

time heals all wounds...

honestly, i'm not worried about moving on...
been there, done that...

what i'm more concerned about is how these certain events will affect my future outlook on Love...

sounds corny to others, but i don't care... i don't give a rat's ass!

i personally believe one of the most important needs of a person is to be loved...

acceptance is key...

2005-10-24T12:49:00.000+08:00

i have not been writing for the past few weeks...
i know i have tons of things i could share on my site...
a lot of them are good stuff...

but it's either i have no spare time or i'm too busy, or sometimes just not in the mood to blog...

now i have time.... unfortunately, it's not one of them happy thoughts...

it's never easy to be heartbroken. no amount of words of encouragement, monetary amount, nor sky's the limit shopping, splurging and pigging-out can take away the pain...

i spent roughly 20,000 today treating myself just to forget the pain... still it hurts...

it's been a rough year... hurt twice by two women i considered most important in the world... women i have loved and who have loved me back in return, but sadly neither worked out...

i'm sorry if i wasn't you expected... i have always been true to you and i have given you what i can and everything i could offer... i'm sorry to hear that i wasn't what you needed...

you said you loved me... i believe you... because i felt it...
but you can't bear it anymore... and you said you've already made a decision...
that you would go with the person you can't live without... i'm happy for you...
i loved you, too... and i'm really sorry it didn't work out for us...

again, my best wishes...

and now. i'm a BALUT?

2005-09-22T01:23:00.000+08:00

Balut: A fertilized duck egg that is boiled and
seasoned with salt

Which Filipino Food Are You?
brought to you by

IM SUCH IN BAD MOOD TODAY!!!!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CARLO<----- BAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm screwed...

2005-09-21T20:12:00.000+08:00

Familiarity breeds contempt, while rarity wins admiration. - Apuleius

this is so true...

i have just come into realization why people find it very hard, impossible even, to be happy...
happiness is such, should i say, supposed to be a simple word, yet so difficult to achieve...

one of the most common reason is that people has this mother-fuck*r insatiable need to have things they don't have! and when the fools do get what they wished for they tend wish for more! more and more and more!

and once they have everything they THINK they need; a status quo would be in place for a brief moment... such a brief friggin moment; then when they see them always around them for sometime, seeing them too often that they don't see them anymore! they can walk around them and be all over and not care about them anymore...

this doesn't only pertain to material things... most of the time this happens to people around us; mostly to people who love us...

i once had a discussion with a very good friend of mine who i hold close to my heart.
she says that she always loves 100%. she feels not giving 100% is cheating... she is not comfortable with the idea of not offering everything to her loved one. she says and THINKS it's unfair...

i asked one simple question which put the discussion to a close, "if that were the case, what can you offer tomorrow when you have already everything today?"
i got no reply...

one can do everything he/she can for someone... everything else put aside and sacfriced just to offer his/her all to another person and still end up unloved, worse, unappreciated...
one often gives out their all, because they want it to be reciprocated... most of the time, disappointment follows...

many givers tend to give out everything they can offer, not thinking first that the other person has different needs... hence the all end up with nothing...

people deserve to be unhappy...

they are insatiable ingrates!

f*ck...

too bad i'm also a human being...

bummer...

maanghang yan eh!

2005-09-20T03:14:00.000+08:00

we just got back from a our one-hour team meeting with our new supe, cool franz... it's nice to be back on his team. he has always been the most lenient supe on the floor and most pro-eRep kind...

i was to open a bag of clover chips as i sat my ass down my station, when abbie excitedly approached and curiously asked, "wow sarap naman yan! ano yan? hinde maanghang?" she can't stand spicy stuff. an important fact that slipped mind...again.

when she saw the chilis drawn over the cover, i can almost see the dark clouds starting to loom over her head and darkness darwing around me and only a spotlight overhead. "maanghang na naman! maanghang na naman! alam mo naman ayaw ko nang maanghang! selfish! selfish! madamot!" she blared!

it was almost a five-minute rant, similar to how an average internet connection problem call would normally start... like any agent, i endured.

my bad. i forgot.

but what drove me to draft this entry was what she said... er, maybe more of what i heard; maybe i have heard of it before, maybe not... but the thing is, i just came to realize it today...

she said, "blah blah blah.... samantalang ako, pag bumibili ako, iniisip ko, gusto kaya ni carlo to? eto kaya? hmm... pero ikaw, blah blah blah yaddi yaddi yadah..."

it never hit me before. this person cares for me that much...
i wanted to hug her that minute... that instant, and kiss her to comfort her...and whisper, i care that much more for you, too, most of the time!

:)

"sarap ng clover chips! yum yum!
yaan mo, next time, kahit nde masyado masarap nde chili flavor, kahit bbq na lang, basta ka share kita..."

&#^

2005-09-19T06:53:00.000+08:00

736

things become special for a reason...
this number was given a new meaning today...
...nice

the fat lady is ready to sing...

2005-09-14T20:38:00.000+08:00

end is near...
bad trip...

...

2005-09-14T18:15:00.000+08:00

it's 9:45am...

it's raining hard.. i'm stuck here at McDonald's...
i duwanna brave the rain with my P60 payong...
im just writing this entry on my phone... i'm so bored...

just lost my trusty umbrella yesterday on the bus ride home... i fell asleep, and woke up 2 mrt stations past my original destination... i hurriedly got off the bus and seconds later realized i left it by the window... i watched helplessly as the bus drove off with my umbrella...

damn! i loved that umbrella... not because my ex gave it to me, but that umbrella has been my long time companion... i got to use it once or twice for whacking during my college brawls... it had protected me from heavy rains through the years... a comrade to ward off beasts at night during my midnight bus rides to work...

and now it's gone... forever...

damn...

ang lakas ng ulan...
hay...

wet afternoons...

2005-09-13T01:58:00.000+08:00

rain was pouring...HARD!

thank God for the rain...the whole day's scorch has been drenched by the cool heavy rains which started after the sun has shone its last rays for the day... i peacefully enjoyed the nice view by my dorm room's window; itim the cat was watching helplessly, stranded between the rooves of the adjacent houses, my neighbors' scampering for shelter as they get off their taxis and taxi-cles as heavy raindrops pound over the rooves down below-- then my mother, who was playing herself to blindness for 8 to 9 hours straight with yahoo games, asked me, "Loy, gutom na ko! kain na tayo!"

we braved the rain to Jollibee which, on a sunny day, uhm...is a 5 minute walk, turned into a seemingly endless journey... journey<-- just the right word...

we got there, with our pants dripping wet...

we sat by our favorite table by the chest aircon...

i got my usual meal: burger steak meal, extra rice, extra gravy, large iced tea... yum yum... with macaroni soup on the side... perfect for the cool weather outside...

then the couple infront of our table caught my attention:(NOTE: nde ako mapanghusga...eto lang talaga tingin ko sa mga tao... nde yata nagme-make sense... pero yun na yun...)

they were both in their late twenties to early thirties. The guy was a dark 5'3 medium built juan dressed in a yellowish white polo, who is probably a factory worker or a security guard. the lady was a pretty brown-skinned 5'0 small built kinky haired woman who i happen to always chance upon in the Boni area almost every other day...

the guy said, "Ano gusto mo, honey?" Girl replied with a smile, "gaya nung dati!"

the guy came back with a one piece burger steak meal, extra rice, small coke, and a small complementary cup of water. the guy happily opened the styro, split the cover and base into two, then carefully unwrapped the rice on the cover and watchfully handed it together with the coke over to his girl.

"Kain na honey", he said.

the girl wrapped one arm to the side of the guy and they sweetly shared their dinner... their one piece burger steak meal dinner... with one coke...

i personally wouldn't ask someone to for breakfast, lunch nor dinner, not even snack like that... but then again, that's me...

as i watched them share their humble dinner, i began to wonder. what's wrong with me... what does this guy have that the other lady sees in him... if she says, "gaya ng dati..." it means lageng ganun... he maybe financially challenged and is just working on a tight budget, but still his woman is by his side... no complaints... of course, i just saw them for like 20 minutes, but then again,i think no gurl, at least in my circle of friends would stand that kind of set-up...

dati nga meron akong friend, napagsalitaan pa ng gf dahil he didn't bring enough dough for movies and dinner. one was even nagged because the guy was making arrangements to split car gas expenses during dates (note: the guy was sporting a mazda rx -8)... some demand flowers weekly, monthsary dates, five-star hotel dinners, jewellery, shoes, mobile phones and cellphone bills.... and the list goes on

and that girl, was none like them....
based on how she moved, how she smiled, how she held her boo; she was happy and contented... despite that arrangement

and me, i just munched on a snack with my mum that was twice what they both had, with an XDA2 by the side, a car, a soon to be erected house, a nice and well paying job, a nice home with people who care about me, and a caring watchamacall-her at work... and still, i still feel discontented...

maybe i just have bigger cups of contentment and happiness to fill than they have...

the couple left with arms around each other, literally intertwined around one another...... inggit ako. masaya sila...

mali ba circle of friends na nasa paligid ko(?)
i don't think so... ayaw ko ren naman ng ganun...

sobra ba demanding mga name-meet na partners(?)
nde ren naman... cguro ganun talaga lang kinalakihan nilang standards kaya ganun ren expectations nila; norms nila

hay layp...

then again, yung iba nga walang makain eh...

ahm... i need a break.

2005-09-09T02:50:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling down again...this blogsite has always been my outlet for my thoughts and feelings about my so-complicated life. thank God, i have my own little place to vent out on...

i just got my rejection letter for my application for promotion. Damn! i wanted that job! i really thought i had a very good shot at it. i really did!

but truth hurts! i didn't even make the cut. i didn't even get short-listed...
i wanted to spam back the trainer who denied my application, and demand an explanation why he thinks i was not their man... but i thought, what good would it do? nada. i'm sure i would just be offered excuses... i'm not ready to hear them out, calmly...

ah... to hell with them!
work sucks!

things at home are not doing well, either. my mum and i even had a major argument earlier before my shift started. bad trip. just what i needed to start a work day, er, night.

abbie was being crabby during the early part of the shift. i kept asking and asking and asking what's wrong and she declined to give me her reasons... stubborn little brat! no matter how hard i tried... only to find out she will just "publicly" post it on her blog! argh! WOMEN! you just can win...

hay...

i wish i could blog happier thoughts... i just can't... at least not yet...

carlo <----------- sad, sad, sad...

uncertainties

2005-09-06T02:55:00.000+08:00

"simple lang ang buhay, pinapacomplica pa... Nde na dapat! ", paulito advised...

i should've listened.

ang mga bagay na hindi tama sa simula pa lang, eh, malabong tumagal. ang mga madaling nakuha, madali ring nawawala. bad trip...

dapat nung nabigo ako nung una, nanahimik muna ako sa isang sulok. pero ako? si Carlo? Ha! nde pupwede yun sa ken! dapat complikado buhay! eto napala ko... hay naku...

the end is near. i feel it coming. i know it's coming. i am told it's to come, soon.
i should've known better. i should've been wiser. i should've thought deeper, clearer...
i should've considered everything there is to consider.

everything is cool as it is right now...
the best actually... i'm having the time of my life...

the bad thing is, when the day has drawn to a close; as a i lay me down to sleep... i ponder about the thing to come. i don't think i'm ready for it; at least not yet.

i don't need this right now. i didn't need this.
but i wanted it... stupid me.

i don't know which is worse - not knowing end is coming; dealing with the end without knowing the reason why it ended; or knowing end is imminent, with it's reasons clear and present but not knowing how to deal with it when it does...

i really don't know much these days...
my blog entries don't even feel right... nor do they make much sense...

bad trip...

jumbled thoughts...

2005-08-30T02:36:00.000+08:00

i wonder what my last night's dream meant...

i saw a dozen, semi-wilted white roses artistically placed and dipped on a yellowish green half-filled vase; placed beside it are two newly cut, angelic white roses, both in full bloom...

******
somethings are too good to be true...
...just too good to be true.

******
i've been in this situation before.
the end is near... i can feel it. i'll just make the most of what i still have...

...i'm scared.

******
none of these thoughts are related... i'm not even sure i'm making any sense...
i'm confused...

i thought i had evrything figured out... how wrong i was... how wrong, i was...

old friend...

2005-08-24T17:40:00.000+08:00

i recently chanced upon an old friend of mine early this afternoon on the bus ride home from greenhills. this guy is someone i've known all my life, so seeing him again after quite a while was really a thrill!

the ride home was really long because traffic, as always, was a mess. we started talking and he opened up to me about the recent love situation he found himself under. this is a guy who never falls in-love quickly, because he falls in-love deeply; too deep, it almost always crushes him when it fails. he is too careful in choosing partners.

he found himself, again, in-love with a woman from his work place; whose heart, he had apparently stolen from the her long time beau. he said, the lady chose him over the other.

he was guilt-stricken, that's why he tried to patch things up for the two. but the girl, he thought at that time had already fallen for him, and the guy on the other, was still too crushed to even think right, and did not choose to fight for their relationship. days went on, and they started dating seriously.

things were all good for both of them, he said. their office friends are more than happy for both of them; work began to seem less stressful and all was good and fine.

while all these were happening, the beau the lady had, kept in touch with his girl. my friend says, though they are together most of the time, he knew deep inside that the lady he was dating still has her old beau in her heart.

he said, they do what normal dating couples do. but the thing is, the girl, no matter how affectionate she was to him, never told him, uttered the words "I love you..."

my friend was always vocal about his feelings once he gets serious with someone. he kept asking her if she does love him... she always replies only with a smile...

today, he says is not sure anymore. he says he thinks the girl still loves her old lover; she once even told him that she misses him... but her actions speak otherwise.

he says he is not sure anymore. the only he thing he knows is he loves her... everything else is a blur...

i asked him, what are you to do now?
he says he doesn't know.

everything's up in the air...

he asked me, "if you were in my place, what would you do?"

"this is where i get off, bro! nice to see you! keep in touch!", i hurriedly replied.

i got off the bus...

friday night blues...

2005-08-19T19:01:00.000+08:00

i'm lost...
again.

i'm in, too deep...
all i wanted was to be happy...

mahirap maging masaya...
...dahil ang mga tao, walang kabusugan
...nde macontento sa mga bagay na meron cia

i'm so down right now...

"qu ni sheng er kuai le"

2005-08-06T05:14:00.000+08:00

Today, I am officially a year older again...
damn...

i just wanna greet myself, a Happy Birthday...

it has been a very interesting year for me... i have met too many crossroads in my life this past year; too many decisions made, hence, too many consequences dealt with... many of the things and people i consider pillars of my ever-complicated life, i have lost or have changed beyond my control. too many changes...

i can clearly remember my 23rd birthday...
i was so happy then. i was very contented with the way things were. i had everything in control... i had family, loved one, friends... all from my past years... all of them i consider unshakable...permanent...

i was wrong.

all of them were put to a test this year...
sad to say...
not too many made it...

still, i was fortunate enough to have come across new people and new things to make my days worth living...

the only thing permanent in life is change...

good thing many of them, for me, changed for the better...

happy birthday, carlo.

women and rest days...

2005-08-02T02:21:00.000+08:00

today should've been my rest day. the last of my three blessed, work-less days... best days of my week.

as i draft this blog, i'm currently in front of my WORK station. the word "work" has been emphasized for a reason.

it's really interesting how women's minds function. when they want something or want something done, they won't say it out loud, nor would they give you clues on how you can fulfill their wishes. only thing you'd know is that they are not doing well or worse, they're pissed. one would have to guess, based on their actions how to go about sating their desires. and if men were lucky enough to figure out what they really need or want, they won't let you know you've hit the spot! the moment they get sated, they will they deny it! and even act as if they don't appreciate it!

today was one of those days for me...abbie called me up around 3PM, minutes after she woke up for her shift tonight. she keeps on ranting and blabbering about how sleepy she still feels and how she is not-so ready for work yet.

she asked me what is shall be doing tonight. i told her that i would just let the rain stop, and i shall hunt for food then go back home and savor my last hours of freedom in bed... she grew silent... next thing i know she is grumpy and irate, and the call ended on a bad note.

"AH...", i said.

she wanted me to go see her tonight. then that thought was backed up by text messages in batches of three... "punta ka naman d2, la ka naman ginagawa db?"
fine.

i set my alarm at 10PM. enough time to get to her before her lunch break.

when i reached the office, i was asked, "bakit ngaun ka lang?" few more minutes passed and i was asked "bakit ka pumunta?"an hour later, "cge na umuwi ka na..."

nice...

women...

argh...

i want ice cream...

2005-07-20T17:55:00.000+08:00

today has not been the best of days...
i barely had enough shut-eye for the night's shift. my arms feel sore and my back hurts.
hay....

i feel exhausted...

good thing it's raining...
i want ice cream. i need ice cream...

i need sleep...

2005-07-14T05:15:00.000+08:00

early this morning, i, together with my special someone, had to walk the empty ayala streets. the bro. eddie villanueva anti-gloria mobilization closed down the ayala area, and was kept close for today's susan roces' own mob.

it was 5:20am.
"aga pa...", i said.
"mall tayo...", she suggested.
"mam, 10am pa bukas nun...", i remarked.
"alam ko...", she candidly said.
"tara...", i said as i grabbed her hand i led her to ayala park; right in front of 6750 starbucks.

the benches there were still cool from last night's rain. we decided to sit down on one of them benches to spend some time together first before calling it a day.

the place was so quiet and calm that it was a perfect place to chat. our chat turned into a talk, talk turned into a very long conversation. we were joined by some other early birds; from taong grasas, to metro sweepers, to makati traffic aides, little maya birds and a fat orange corporate tomcat who preys on them.

the place was just too nice. our conversation went on and on. next thing we knew, it was already 9am!

1.5 hours trip to valenzuela, and another 1.5 hours back...

nice...
slept 2.5 of the 5 hour allowance till my next shift...

nice...

i'm slowly drifting away now to neverland as i draft this blog...i can barely keep my eyes open...

i need sleep...

office issues....

2005-07-07T03:02:00.000+08:00

i have always considered my office, second home; actually, third home... almost forgot about our provincial home...

i have worked closely with most people on the ops floor, and i have full trust in the people i work with daily, and i believe each and everyone else on PS feels the same way. but two incidents shook that status quo... at least for me...

one: manny, lucky a*s winner of a Honda scooter, lost a screw on his prize... a screw! just a simple screw, intentionally, i repeat intentionally pilfered by a nutcase on the floor... probably someone so bitter he didn't win the prize; who just decided to get a piece of the game... sore loser...

written on the incident report on the agent's notes: i want to take home my prize soon. Help."

two: abbie, a very close friend of mine, lost her starbucks mug... for the second time! she accidentally left it in the pantry area, and 15 minutes later... it's gone.

it's really sad to think that our workplace is not that safe anymore. a scooter screw, and a starbucks mug... not even worth P400... so sad...

just two hours worth of work...

so sad...

things are better now...

2005-07-06T04:59:00.000+08:00

con·tent·ed (kən-tĕn'tĭd) adj.
Satisfied with things as they are; content:Satisfied with things as they are; content:

title says it all...
carlo<----contented...

the price to pay for happiness...

2005-07-04T22:34:00.000+08:00

the last few weeks had been a real rollercoaster ride!
i have been a very, very bad tomcat...

played with fire... got burnt...
bad thing about it was, i burnt alot more than i thought...

person i care about; person she cared about; peers, friends and relatives who cared about both of them; the status quo of their simple lives...

i'm not worried about myself... i'm strong, i can lick myself back to good health and be on my feet sooner than anyone else. i'm more worried about the person i cared most about lately... it was too much for her...

i never thought i would damage the system that much in the process...
the very person who i thought would benefit from it, was the most damaged and affected...

all i wanted was to be happy...

that's all...
i'm really sorry...

stressed mad cat...

2005-06-16T04:41:00.000+08:00

there's nothing more that i want to do today than to bite-unlatch grenade pins, hurl 'em towards any busy street or crowd-infested area, and watch all of them blow sky high; mangled bodies and all shebang...

and if i run out of bombs, i would whip out a heavily-ammo'd gatling gun and shred every soul down to pieces no bigger than a burger patty and then incinerate 'em down to crisp...

then, internally, i know, i shall have bliss...

shit happens...

2005-06-08T05:21:00.000+08:00

funny, how a perfectly good day can go disastrously wrong...

AHT is soaring high, QA is just highlight on my chart, reschedule of interview was declined, and i'm freakingly stressed out from work!

pakshet!!!

2 stresstabs a day don't work for me no more!
i need a beer and a good night's, er... day's sleep!

wet monday mornings....

2005-06-06T10:50:00.000+08:00

it has been a very rainy and wet monday morning.

i spent my last hours in Pampanga sitting on a badly beaten old chair by our second floor window. i can see the my cats, furrier than usual because of the cold weather curled up on the gate's posts watching the kids getting soaked under the rain, while one of them was all balled up on top of the car keeping up with his daily routine of sleeping. i can see our do, also watching the kids helplessly from afar; kids, which on a normal day he would bark at, hunt, chase and run after to shoo them away from his territory. it was raining, he can't get to them, at least not today.

it is pouring really hard. it's really nice.
the sight of hard rain and soft cool breeze blowing plants and trees to a dance just gives me a very comforting feeling... i can see small puddles on the people-free street swelling up, small streams of rainwater running by the sidewalk canals, hear rain thumping overhead our rooves, smell the wet plants' and ground soil's garden scents... ah... nice, just nice...

it was such a good morning... i love rain.

bad morning greetings...

2005-06-05T17:46:00.000+08:00

"Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion."

this was the first sms i received early this morning from an unknown sender.

"thanks for brightening up my day, PSYCHO!"

bati na ulet kame...

2005-06-02T19:21:00.000+08:00

it had been a very long work night for me. i was not feeling well most of my shift, i have had very bad calls, no upsells and a badly beaten mouse. the second the cms showed 3:01 on it's digital lcd, i hit the three most important buttons in PS, menu, ad2, release...

the light gone off the auto-in led has brought me such a comforting feeling. i just sunk in my seat, closed my eyes and had quick shut eye for 15 minutes.

funny how i always wish for my shift to end, but when it does end, i duwanna go home.

i decided to scout for greener pasture within the confines of PS. I decided to prepare an IJAF, which was never an easy task. it took me 3 hours to finally finish the darn thing. then peps and i went down to get food, then 20 minutes later pau and i had gone down again, after that finally i decided to pass the ijaf at Philam. before i knew it, it was already 9am. bougeoisie, tangos ilong, poste and the rest of the am people were already geared for their shifts when i left the building. i got home at around 9:30am, then there they were.

Two green vertical eyes glaring straight right at me...

I asked him, "what?" He got up and walked towards me and blared, "Bakit ngaun ka lang? Kanina pa ko dito ah!!!" "Pwede, pagod ako! H'wag kang magulo!", i exclaimed as i got my keys out, opened the door and shoved my way inside. "Ah, ganun! Ganun lang yun! wala kang puso! wala kang awa! Pagkatapos kitang damayan lage sa mga problema mo, ganun mo na lang ako babalewalaen! hahayaan mo lang akong magutom! ang sama mo!" he said from the other end of the door.

"Me trabaho ako, meron akong buhay at saka ngaun lang naman ako ulit na late ng uwi ah! konting consideration naman. Ginagawa ko naman lahat ang dapat ah", i explained. I heard him mumbling, "Gutom na gutom na ko...kung meron lang akong pera, nde ako aasa sa'yo, kung kaya ko lang bumili mag-isa, wala kang maririnig sa ken!"

Hearing those words, with very little strength left, i got up, slowly opened the door and seeing him weakened with hunger, i said, "Tara na, kain na tayo sa baba..."

at 11 am, i found myself at mang joel's place with him gnawing on his breakfast by my foot. i may only have 5 hours left, but at least i can sleep soundly and with a clear conscience.

eF eLle yoU...

2005-06-01T18:04:00.000+08:00

i really don't feel well today. i'm not sick, but i feel i'm just 25% of original me today...
i already slept 7 hours which is more than enough compared to my regular 4-5 hour sleep routine on regular days. muscles feel cold and sore, and i just feel really tired and worn out.

i arrived at PS, just 2 minutes shy from being late. someone already occupied my station so i had to settle with the corner station where 2 aircon vents can freeze your brain dry. they removed the newspapers that we cover them with probably because client visitors are currently walking the cold halls of the 32nd and 33rd floors.

now, i'm down to 23%. this is not good.
i feel nauseous and cold.

i see it now... peeping by the door... creeping forward...
it's coming...

soaked wet... nice...

2005-05-31T17:50:00.000+08:00

summer time is ready to step aside now and make way for wet season which is already around the corner.

it's still sweltering hot during mornings till late noon, but dark clouds can already be seen looming from afar.

i've always loved wet season. i loved the rain; happy or sad my mood maybe, i loved the rain. whether i'm under it or watching it trickle down the windows, it gives me a comforting feeling.

before going to work this afternoon,at around 2pm, i woke up feeling really hungry for i have not taken any food since my lunch break from work which was 16 hours ago then...

i got up and decided to go to jolllibeer and have a champ meal. while i was happily munching on my burger, it happened. the first real rain after a long while fell like grace from the heavens; and it's not just those summer rains where in the sun shone like hell. it rained amidst a cool, gloomy gray sky with a moderate calming breeze.

i hurriedly finished by lunch,then armed with a chocolate sundae, and 2 mango pies, i braved the 10 minute walk to my boarding house. it was such a wonderful feeling! the last time i got soaked wet by the rain was around a year ago already when i went to fetch astronaut from GMA one stormy night and got drenched by the heavy rainfall, not to mention the knee-high floodwaters i had to brave through...

when i got home, i got a small chair, sat in the middle of the parking lot and enjoyed the rain as itim, our looban cat, lazily watched me from afar...

such a blissful afternoon...

mondays... i hate mondays...

2005-05-30T17:10:00.000+08:00

today will be my first day back on the regular ops floor since abay. i should be happy.

finally, after being tagged one of bottom feeders of the team, i'm off that team. i won't be forced anymore to sell; just to upsell. i have my old team back. i'm back to my regular 11x4 shift, with fridays and weekends off. i should be happy.

i no longer have leave the house by midnight. i have free flowing water supply, and a gamut of fast food chains to pick for lunch and dinner. i should be happy.

but why am i not?

i'll miss my primetime shows like meteor garden (yeah, i like that crappy korean series! sue me! it brings back very good memories...) i'll miss mall hopping and movie doing marathons after shift.

i'll also miss being carefree with QA and AHT. also, i will miss the leniency of my supe with regard to following break and lunch schedules.

most of all, i will also miss bourgeoisie and tangos ilong. they will only be around for 2 hours max on this schedule. damn!

oh hell...
maybe it's just my screwed up body clock talkin...

nice...

2005-05-26T13:29:00.000+08:00

i was so tired because i had to join my mom yesterday in her hunt for a new mouse and keyboard, which i just found out won't fit any of her jurassic pc's ports. hay...

i was awake for 23 hours yesterday that i found no strength to wake myself last night to do GY overtime. i woke up 7 am, and decided to do am otrd.

got in JG at 7:45, managed to set up by 7:55, and was acd by 8. 10calls later i heard "ka-ching!"

it was already 12nn. i already earned P1000 easy! not just that, bourgeoisie and tangos-ilong were on the floor, making my 10 minute bus ride worth it!

it's such a good morning...

hope the afternoon is better...

thoughts...

2005-05-24T11:30:00.000+08:00

it's 11:30am.
another day has just gone by.
though the night was long, it was a fulfilling one. i had another sale tonight.

i feel really contented this morning. we had good food last night, courtesy of ELNK, good abay team performance, not so bad aht, and P200 worth of GC, and P3600 performance bonus. had bourgeoisie been here, it would've been a perfect night.

i wonder where she is right now. i read her blog 2 days ago, where she was talking about the movie date she and her boyfriend shared; and also she talked about her fondness of cameras, and her passion for taking pictures. she seemed so happy. good for her. just hope she ain't sick again.

as i was finishing this blog, i saw one of her teammates lead out of the hiring room a squad of 15-20 ps applicants who unfortunately didn't make it through the test. she had been tasked to deliver the bad news that they didn't make it. let me sell routers, let me solve tech problems, let me be the shock absorber for double-billed customers; but don't give me her job.

i was packing my things to go home when i just remembered our looban cat's look when i left him last night. he had always been there on top of the parked passenger jeepney inside the minicourt to bid me goodbye whenever i leave for work. last night, he had an odd look on his face that is somehow telling me to buy him somethign when i get back home. i don't know if it's just me or am just too sleepy still then that i felt he was talking to my mind, asking for pasalubong...

where the hell can i get cat food at 12 noon.
i don't wanna deprive the cat. if he had money and enough brain cells, he would just carried himself to the groceries and pack up on whiskas...
oh well...

i don't wanna go to megamall just for him...
i think he will settle with galunggong from mang joel's store...

i need sleep...

sales is not always about B.S.

2005-05-23T09:12:00.000+08:00

i got two homenet sales today!

yep, not one, but two!

what makes it better is the fact that i didn't b.s. my way to making them give in to my offer!
no bull, no crap

i sold them not through sales talk. i didn' t sell as a salesperson, i was a consultant giving expert advice.

sweet...

abay rep = technician with 0 sales conversion

2005-05-22T11:20:00.000+08:00

this week has been a very good learning, at the same time humbling experience for me. I have been in detention for not upselling in my calls for our routers. Honestly, i have been upselling them but their stupid loggers didn't see my logs. I even sold two of those friggin routers, but they didn't take that into consideration. story cut short, i'm in Abay for two weeks.

i told my sold myself, they can go to hell for all i care. i'm gonna sell 'em stupid routers, graduate myself in two weeks and i would tender my resignation and walkout with my head held up high! I pride myself with the thought that i can do anything i put my mind into. i have been through a lot in my life. i know i can dodge any bad thing thrown my way and come out as a victor. that's me, i'm carlo and i can conquer.

that wasn't the case this week. i thought i can do good with my calls and hopefully bag three or four sales a day since that is our priority that's what i will concentrate on. they require one sale per week, so i said, "HA! screw 'em! i can do this!"

it was harder than i thought. i do upsells on my calls. no problem. but making a sale, or forcing one was a different ballgame.

i have always been a straight in my dealings. that was the way i have been brought up and that's the path i shall tread. i never screw people, cause i know how bad it feels be ripped off. same with my work, i have never bullcrapped my customers. i give them black if it's black, white if it's white. our supe for abay has been a very good tech when he was still on the floor. he was a mentor during my first months in Elnk, and i owe a lot of my tech skills from him. but right now he is my supe; supe in sales. one of his most famous motivational advises is "Sales is about B.S. B.S. your way to make it in sales..."

maybe that's why i'm not good in sales. i never offer people b.s.

supe says "If one can sell cigarettes, which are really bad for your health and can kill you, think of the possibilities in sales..."

i thought to myself, "wow, very good point!", and i admire those people's skills in convincing others to patronize things which can kill them...

but then again, i still prefer sound sleep at night and a clear conscience.

i'll wait and see. i have one week extension in abay, since i have made no sale on the last one. i think i'll stay a little while longer in PS, til i graduate from abay; after that, the hunt for greener and "cleaner" pasture.

There's Just No Pleasing Some People

2005-05-18T03:35:00.000+08:00

i got a call yesterday during my early dawn shift of 3am. I greeted the hag with the regular greeting spiel, "Hi my name is Carlo, how may I help you?".

Hag: "I'm using a Macintosh Windows Xp Millenium edition. I got you all as my internet service provider, and i run on high speed broadband dial up dsl cable connection through Brighthouse. I'm paying you all thousands and thousands of dollars and i can't connect to the internet! This all happened when you sent me this email last week wanting me to give out my social securiyt number and my credit cards! it's asking me for three and i only gave them two cause i only have two cc's! is that why you all cut off my internet!? your service is ridiculous! i want this fixed right now!!!!"

Slave: "i'm sorry to hear that, Hag. Let me see if i can help you with that probl..."

Hag(interrupting): "you better! i'm losing 16hundred dollars per minute while your stupid service is not working for me."

Slave: "Let's proceed. First that email you mentioned it's not from us. it's a scam email. it's no legitimate correspondence from us and we never send out such request to customers. we shall nev..."

Hag (interrupting): "YOU MEAN YOU SCAMMED ME!!! HOW DARE YOU!!! YOU'LL HEAR FROM MY LAWYER FIRST LIGHT TOMORROW!!!"

Slave: "Hag, i would like to clarify somethings. It's not from us. you have been scammed by someone else. i would like to request from you to please forard that email to our fraud department with the email's full headers. dou you know how to do that mam? if not i would be happy to assist you."

Hag: "Of course i know how to do that! what do you think of me! i (was) a system administrator of our company!"

Slave: "I see, so please forward it to ***@elnk.net with full headers so we can try to work on it for our custom..."

Hag: "what are headers? and what do you mean forward it?, send it to other people? are you crazy? i don't want others to have the same bad experience i got from you guys!"

Slave(aggravated): "let me me show you how..."

***20 frustating minutes later...

Hag: "it's that easy! Ha! tsk tsk tsk... i know that... i was just testing you kids if you know how to do it... I want to you to change my password, right now."

***2 minutes later...

Slave: "uhm... ok. done."

Hag: "one more thing i need you to change my social security number too..."

Slave: "err... i don't think that is even possible. and even if it were possible we are not the people you need to speak with. contact your local municipality, try to find someone who "can" try to do this for you."

Hag: "AHA! i know you would say that! that's what you guys are good at! giving the pointing finger. it's always not you who can deal with it. always passing the blame to someone else..."

Slave: "No Reaction..."

Hag: "you there? you there? you there? you there?"

Slave: "yes i'm here. i can't assist you on that."

Hag: "Oh well, tell me this, why can't i go online?"

Slave: "what lights are solid on the cable modem?"

Hag: "what cable modem. the cable guy took it out last yesterday because they say it was defective, they said they will bring it back tomorrow!"

Slave (stumped): "Hag, what can i say, that's the reason why you are not online. you don't have a cable modem present in your network."

Hag: "what has my NETWORTH got to do with this?!!! do you think I can't afford you all! i can buy your company right now if i wanted to!!!?"

Slave: "Hag, i said netWORK, not netWORTH. you don't have a cable modem, how can you connect to the internet!"

Hag: "I have cable! that's how! Is there a supervisor i can speak with. you don't seem to know what you're doing."

Slave: "None."

Hag: "oh well, what can i do, i'll just call other cable providers which are cheaper than yours and they don't give you darn excuses that just because you have your cable modem for repair you can't use your cable service!!!"

Slave: "i'm sorry you feel that way, but just go over your last statement, and if you analyze it, you will see it my way. i wish i can do more for you."

Hag: "yes there is, send me those survey forms that you all send out and i will tell them how much your service sucks!"

***Hag hung up...
this is a true story. It was my first call, and it lasted for 42 aggravating minutes.
I can only do so much...some people are impossible...

Cleaning out the Closet

2005-05-15T12:29:00.000+08:00

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived. -- Margaret Mitchell

i was running through my stuff in my closet just to free up space and give it a breather from all of the junk i forcefully tried to hide in there, same with useles personal stuff which i never use but i can't find the heart to throw or give away. from he-man and skeletor action figures to headles egon spengler and limbless peter parker to old T-squares and engineering compasses that i so dearly "took" care of back in college years. as i was going through the big pile of mess i have, i came across my ex and i's stuff in college.

i saw there all of the stationeries and love letters she sent me, all the hallmark cards and snail mails we exchanged; all the cute little angels and small tokens she had given me, same with the movie ticket stubs that i never gave out to the cinema ushers just to keep a souvenir of every movie date we had, and the hundreds of bus tickets we accumulated during bus rides to and from school. Thousands worth of Globe and Smart cards that i have spent our celphones and also shell and petron receipts i collected for gas.

i gave ore attention to the letters i got, and after reading through them for sometime, i thought to myself, i wasn't that bad.

i just realized we had so much good times together. so much in 7 years, we had been in love for so long. it's really sad it ended, but it's better this way. she may not realize it, but the day i gave up is also the day i personally think is the day i showed my ultimate love for her.

it has always been said, if you really love a person, set her free. if she comes back in kind, she's yours forever. if she doesn't then it really wasn't meant to be...

it's better this way.

some text missing...

2005-05-13T07:12:00.000+08:00

5 minutes ago, there were 15-20 paragraphs worth of internal rants on this page. i was blogging about my internal rants about my hell month at work, how im brooding inside about me being on Abay, and how i almost resigned yesterday because of intense ire. i've been suffering from work. i've been venting and releasing and calming myself of mental anguish...

that was 5 minutes ago...
i was busy minding my own business when my mentally unsound and sleep deprived supervisor, Marif decided to bug me. she was surprised i blog too, and she was so excited to show me her own blog site with all of it's newly uploaded Clearwater pictures she has took on our outing. it took time to load the pages on my browser, and with overflowing persistency, she tried all the available browsers she can find on my machine just to show it me and paulito. the pics were nice for some cultures...

then she didn't want us to see the url so she decided to hit all the options to clear history; yes she did this with all perseverance... of course with restrictions on the pc, url history shall not be erased, only website content!!!

so the 30 minute blog ended with a blank white screen...

life sucks...

sometimes, it just ain't worth it

2005-05-10T17:19:00.000+08:00

it was only 10 minutes before my shift starts when i got to PS today. far from my nature of being an early bird, the past few days, i have been effortfully fighting the urge not to go to work anymore. as the days go by, i feel i'm losing that battle. as i dragged my ass to my station, i saw my PC has been shutdown, again! argh!

we work in a call center, for crying out loud and we don't shutdown pc's, we just log off! argh!
this page has been my website for quite sometime now. and i saw lon's comment on my last post. true. very true. the coming days will be long ones.

then i decided to take a peek at her own post. then there it was! my summer theme song! A Burt Bacarach original, I will never fall in love again...

What do you get when you fall in love?
A girl with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you kiss a girl?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia.
After you do, she'll never phone(text) you.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

Don't tell me what is all about,
'Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out,
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You get enough tears to fill an ocean
That's what you get for your devotion.
I'll never fall in love again.
I'll never fall in love again.

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow.
Don't tell me what it's all about
`Cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out
Out of those chains, those chains that bind you

That is why I'm here to remind you.

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So, for at least, until tomorrow
I'll never fall in love again
Oh, I'll never fall in love again

sad but true... it's really a wonderful feeling when you are in the middle of one. with all of it's highs and lows and it's complexities. it could be the best feeling one can get.

downside is just like anything in this world, dichotomy exists. when one loses it, it could be hell. literally, especially if the two were really in-love. especially if you were the one left out, or was dumped. the other party would and could recover easier and faster, and the dumped one will feel worse knowing this fact...

oh hell...
it could be worse...

life sucks...
love sucks...

some good things are really not meant to last

2005-05-04T17:26:00.000+08:00

"Better by far you should forget and smile, Than that you should remember and be sad"
- christina rossetti

i have been bloggin for the past few days, almost everyday now that i've thought about it. honestly speakin, the past couple of weeks had been a blast. i had been spending a lot of time with Cindy. everything had been fine, great even. hard on the pocket, but it was worth it. each great day i spent with her, had been documented in detail. but for some reason i was never, ever able to publish them. i don't know why, they just were not published. it's not as if i got too lazy to publish them nor was i not proud to let it be known that i indeed had been happy then.

now i knew why. they were not to last. nor were they meant to be to begin with.

"Better by far you should forget and smile, Than that you should remember and be sad", i have read this line, uhm... i don'y know, way back in mid-high to early college, and i had been practicing it in my life. always hed been. it thought me how to accept things that i can't change and made me stronger, strong enough internally to learn about acceptance and made me quicker to pick up the pieces to move on.

i should've known better. i have tried my best to keep it. but as i have said to myself before, i have already said and done what was needed for our relationship. i have been hurt too many times already. everything has an end. it's time.

it's time to say goodbye.

this same time exactlty 7 years ago, i was one of the happiest people on earth.

7 years later, it had to end.

it was fun...

i will surely miss you.

Goodbye Cindy.

it's friday again... finally...

2005-04-28T16:29:00.000+08:00

the best part of the week has finally arrived...

it had been a very long week for me... because of our shift rotation at PS, i had to bear with only one rest day last workweek, and an eleven by four shift is hard to bear without it's 3 day restday perk. the best thing about a tiring week, is it's end... the weekend.

i can see it now... 72 call-less and worry-free hours, not to mention it's a payday weekend!

ah...

bliss...
countdown begins...

11 hours 18 minutes and counting...

and it's Monday again...

2005-04-25T15:58:00.000+08:00

today is the first day, at least for me, after the shift rotation was implemented here in Elnk.

Rotation equates to new supes, new seat plans, and new computer stations. lucky for me my schedule didn't change so circadian rhythm would still be in sync. also my supe is also a good one; known for his sturdy and heavyset built, and also for being one of the few team heads who really look after his direct reports. what bugs me most is the fact that i have to set-up my station again; from my softwares to the feng shui-ish arrangement of my coffee mug, to my rayban, to my CMS, to my one ear-phoned headset, to my pile of junk papers that i can't find the courage to throw away, i dunno why, but i just can't.

i went two hours early in the office just to do this ritual. one and half hours later; everything "seems" to be settled.

i should be good to go for the night.
i was running through my lucheon meat in OutLook, and i came across the DR list for this period.

then it hit me.

i dunno anyone in my new team. i was always a lone soldier in the 5pm shift. now i have new teammates. not that there is anything wrong with that but it just came to me that i won't be sitting Nokia2100 who is my lunch buddy; Lifesuck won't be there to bug us with his very corny jokes; wally won't be there to back me up when we are trippin with lifesuck, and the rest of the gang won't be there to laugh at him! :)

i am sure to miss those guys. i admit they were the most fun group i had been with in PS.

i sure hope lifesuck remembers to take his autism-suppressant pills...

oxymoron version 2.0

2005-04-23T14:07:00.000+08:00

it's going to be a long day.

Yesterday after being persuaded by Pau, i agreed to join him in applying for passport this morning in Pasig. City Hall decided to host DFA's express passporting campaigns, and we thought it would be best to take advantage of it, since it's just one ride away from home. I thought to myself, what the hell, payday is just a week from now, and i thought, i would still have enough dough to last me till then. So i said fine. let's go for it.

we decided to get our NBI clearances together with sensui at megamall. I had work thursday night, when i got off from work at around 4am. Pau, with equal persistency as sensui, insisted that i meet them 10am. "dame pila dun, agahan naten!", pau said in defense with his great idea... so, stupid i, followed. with only 4 hours of sleep, i got up and hauled my ass to megamall.

as predictable as the sun will rise tomorrrow, he was late. considering he had no shift that night, he was late. argh!!! 11am, he came with his stupid lookin smirk on his face. "sorry, trapik eh...", the slowpoke said.

oh well, after snagging the clearances, and draining our energy in an attempt to cover every square foot of megangmall. we decided to crash in sensui's condo. and there was silence...
after munchin on our fave bbq, cold rice and coke diet, it was already 9pm. i was scheduled to do OTRD tonight so i went to JG,and went ahead to do 5 hours of slavery. again, with 4 hours of sleep, i found myself at Pasig Sports Complex.

again, i was persuaded to come early. "mahaba ang pila, pakshit", paulito text'd. but when i got there, only a handful of people were in line. hay...

2 hours on all is well and done. bad trip, sagwa ng picture ko! hay... life...
as karma to his inconsiderate persuasion to compel people to go somewhere earlier than needed, he was not able to push through with his passport application. Mali spelling kase pangalan...

tsk tsk tsk...pangalan lang nagkamali pa... tsk tsk tsk...

it's 2 pm. 3 hours and im on hot seat again... with only 4 hours of sleep packed, 60bucks to last me until next friday, and my atm sitting in pampanga... all i can do is find a corner, brood, and cry...

good luck to my calls...
;'(

Moments...

2005-04-18T01:28:00.000+08:00

it's a amazing how a simple touch can relieve one person forget everyone and everything around him.

it's unbelievable how one moment, even just a few minutes can be so life defining.

it's really remarkable how time can be made special; so special in a way that anyone will be willing to trade everything he has, loan everything he still has to acquire, and sometimes even offer his life for that one special moment.

it's incredible how one person can touch another person's life; and make him a brand new man.

it's really wonderful how a very bad day can take a 180 degree turn in a blink of an eye.

just amazing... simply amazing...

im proud to have been chosen to be given those very rare moments today...

the case of the missing taho vendor...

2005-04-17T05:46:00.000+08:00

i really feel proud of myself this morning. i have managed to keep my temper at a low during the most part of my shift. it took a lot of will power and sheer determination not to hurt my pc last night. i decided to reward myself with my favorite morning craving...

as soon as my shift ended i took a trip down RS, and got out to scout and hunt manong, the taho vendor.

it was 4:10AM, a handful of call center agents were parked outside breathing their lungs to death; some slumped on the sides of the RS building with their girl/boyfriends lying on their laps, possibly just enjoying the early morning air, trying to forget the fact that another saturday night had been missed. others just getting breaths of fresh air.

still manong is nowhere in sight.

dawn-shift peeps were rushing out of their cabs; scurrying and scampering to the elevators, RS guards were brushing morning glories left and right, and my colleagues with same end shift as mine were zombie-like dragging their tired asses out of the halls of RS; half awake - half asleep, they marched out, following the long calls of their comfy beds back home

manong taho is still nowehere in sight.

i went to the back of RS hoping manong taho would be there. i see the usual tikbalang like creatures of the night across the road, silhouettes enveloped by puffs of smoke... still no manong taho in sight.

darn! where the hell is he? is it too early? Nah! i think not! went out there earlier in than 4am before, and he would be there; he was always there... i tried to go near the PB com building, across the street and near insular bank alleys... i tried to go to the back of hsbc upto the starbucks area to no avail...

i gave up. it's 5AM already. im hungry. i need food...

i decided to just go to jollibeer across the street and settled for relatively satisfying burger steak breakfast meal.

but even as i sip on my hot choco and played with my gravy and egg, i still wondered about manong taho, and where had gone to... was he too sick to work today? had he been victim to an accident, or had he been heldup, or was he arrested for selling taho at Ayala? was he killed?

i shook my head; i'm beginning to become morbid again, for all we know, manong taho was out partying all night, got laid and got too much alcohol that he can digest that he drowned himself to sleep, and is still swimming up in neverland; maybe he had gone tired of taho vending and has declared a self-proclaimed day-off...after all, he is the master of his own business. he is his own boss.

oh well...

life goes on...

Saturday Night Work...

2005-04-16T16:40:00.000+08:00

ox·y·mo·ron (ŏk'sē-môr'ŏn', -mōr'-) n., pl. -mo·ra (-môr'ə, -mōr'ə) or -rons.

- A rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms are combined.

tonight is my first time to do saturday night work.

i'm forced to do this because of the such-short-notice shift changes made by management last week. im forced to do it. i like PS. i'm just not a fan of changes.

i got my mom a ride to pampanga after doing groceries at Robinson's. then i dragged myself to work and came in to our stuffy-smelling room, with only a handful of agents on the floor; same poor souls entasked to do work on a saturday night.

i brought a couple of C2's and a family-size bag of clover chips with me just to inspire me to work. sadly the chips only lasted 45 minutes, and my c2 dropped it's last 20 minutes later.
no browse policy is still in effect, so i can only do so much on the computer. i'm typing this blog on a lime green sticky notepad.

i have failed three of my last four QA sessions last week. all because of my temper. i told myself, today, screw AHT. im on QA mode. i must do good tonight.

while waiting for calls. i busied myself meditating;conditioning myself not to be irate tonight. after all, it's just one night. i just hope nobody will give me attitude tonight...

or else, they're gonna get it from me...

i miss G3...
i miss my starbucks...
i miss my saturday night already...

:'(

abused...

2005-04-15T17:09:00.000+08:00

for the past the few days, clouds of unrest still loom over the Elnk floor. no browse - no handhelds - no fun policy is still in effect; more and more drafted resignation letters are being moved to the outbox, more and more seats are being vacant, and staffing is getting worse. team stats are plummeting and agents' patience are getting more and more mice are slammed, keyboards harmed, monitors whacked...

i personally feel really sad about what Elnk has become. it used to be a fun place.
i used to love my job. now, every minute seems to be a struggle.

i really feel bad for my pc at work. it used to be a well kept and organized, and scratchless. now, it's really badly beaten, enveloped by dust and very worn out. my scroll ball is already badly bruised; all the dust and speckles on my station had been crusted to it's surface, hence it won't work 60% of the time. my monitor is my punching bag at work. each and every time a caller is giving me attitude, my monitor takes the blows. no wonder my monitor desktop, only displays 256 colors...

poor computer...

poor computers...

the only things equally abused on the ops floor compared to the hamsters and test mice in front
them are the computers... agents are helpless in venting out their frustrations caused by stupid callers, and the only resort available to them is to take it out on their helpless computers. but in my whole stay in PS, i have yet to see a PC killed in action; though badly brusied, they continue to do their jobs each and everyday.

if i were to buy a pc, though it may take long... i would surely invest on an HP. tried, beaten, abused, and tested; built to last...

En Taro Adun!

2005-04-12T20:03:00.000+08:00

i woke up 2AM this morning and i have all i could think of is the playing starcraft.

it had been such a long time since i played starcraft, particularly the broodwars episode; it was five years already if i'm not mistaken. the moment i saw kerrigan's protrait, memories of college years came rushing in.

i had two many sleepless nights, too many cracked piggy banks, and too much electricity spent on that darn addictive game. memories of college buddies also came to play; noel and his 12 dark templar surprise attack, to mark's terran marine, firebat goliath shuffle to andrew's carrier splurge. My personal fave was the Zerg race; just loved them ultralisks! i loved keeping a very low profile, defensive in stance and just mining all the resources available until i can muster enough minerals and gas to command an armada of level3 ultralisks, and fleets of guardians, and countless zerglings to raze all standing infrastructures that can come my way.

i was good then.

after 2 hours of game play, i had my groove back. i was tearing down bases after bases, zooming from mission to another. i had the most enjoyable 8 hours of my life. it was sheer bliss.

then, as dependable as the sun rising tomorrow or waking up with my cat beside me occupying the 3/4 of my bed, or an irate elnk eRep growling on the ops floor, reality bites...
it's 10AM! i have a 5PM shift tonight! I have to get out of Pampanga before 12NN, and get my ass on a bus to Manila!

"La na naman akong tulog!"

Oh well, what's new...

at least i had fun...

some good things never last...

2005-04-11T18:28:00.000+08:00

I have less than 24 hours left of my 4 day long weekend/rest day vacation, and yet my body still craves for more. one of the management heads, who i call mulagat (yep, im very well known to give nicknames to people, because of the 24/7 mulagat look), decided to change my rest days from a straight 3 day weekend, which i very well deserve to have because of very good SA stats, into a friday, sunday, monday off! ARGH!

5 seconds after she hit the send button on Outlook, i went to her station and confronted her, and she, said with a very jolly Manang Bola-ish tone, "wag ka malulungkot, hiwalay na rest day mo, wag malulungkot..." if only heaven gave me enough strength, i would have hit her with an avaya cms phone right on her head...

but it was late... it was 9AM already and being up for the past 17 hours, i can't afford to waste energy on her. i just walked away. i thought to myself, i have a four day interim period to enjoy...
time really heals. four days later, i accepted my fate. i work in a call center doomed to become a flexible slave. a slave without a right to complain....

...out-loud, that is.

the purpose of the "delete message" button...

2005-04-07T22:38:00.000+08:00

i came in early for work today because of two things; one to see bourgeoisie, and number two try out if the card reader can work behind the restrictions set in the computers. first one was satisfied early on my shift, for she was the first one i saw upon entering the stuffy office of the 33rd floor. she was very casually dressed and in her black sleeveless and body-fit tops, and a very cool looking 3/4 capri pants... "Nice start.", i said to myself.

she was not so bourgeoisie-ey this afternoon. she was just happily lickin on her favorite snack, ice cream, which she usually drops, or manages to make a mess out it, and still proudly announces it.

second objective failed, though. card reader can be connected but downloads still don't work. oh well. at least i can still copy paste and upload images files to the net. i uploaded high school friend's pic son our yahoo groups. i'm happy.

then for some bad wind of air, i decided to open my gmail account; dedicated to cindy and our past. i was running through our past emails, looking for some good email to forward to my officemates when i came across an email that she had sent me around October time.

"LA LANG" was title and body read(all in caps); "HIERS!LA LANG HOPE U LIKE IT! LOVE YAH! MWAH! -DY"

and attached to it was a 2MB non-compressed picture of her, cris and 2 guy officemates.

the bad thing about Gmail is the set-up that you see what you replied to the original message.

"at sino na naman yung dalawang kumag sa likod? hmm...", i replied back.

and then it hit me... it was my fault... not completely, but a big chunk of the main reason why our relationship failed was because of me.

i literally cried when i saw it... i was a jerk...

Darn that Gmail! Why the hell does it not have a simple delete button! Why does it need to have a move to trash option, when a simple delete button would have done the job! and I wouldn't, and shouldn't be suffering right now!

i should've deleted that stupid email.

I miss my girl...

Darn that delete button!

"Anything less than love is a waste of my time"

2005-04-06T17:08:00.000+08:00

my friend from work, trixie... an eRep famous for her Bb. Pilipnas version of an Elnk call greeting, posted a friendster bulletin with the same title as today's blog...

she was discussing 2 quotes from the film; Dream for an Insomniac; a Jennifer Aniston flick, which i had an opportunity to watch 2 months ago, when i was still brooding over my heartaches.

the 2 quotes were "I don't want to be sixty years old and married to my second best choice, wondering what ever happened to the one who got away..." and "Anything less than love is a waste of my time. There are so many mediocre things in life, and love shouldn't be one of them."

i agree, i totally agree.

after watching the movie, it made my heartache worse. this movie is the man reason why i found it hard to let go of the Cindy. always, at the back of my mind, what if she really was the one, and i just didn't try hard enough, or i just gave up too soon. it's really disturbing to think about the possibility of us ending up with the wrong person... after all the planning from teenhood to all the courting and daydreaming of being with the person we would like to grow old with... someone to share our gray years... it's really hard to think of such a thought.

but then again, it there really such a perfect, specially chosen person for each and every person? or is it just a matter or chancing upon each other as we age? i know people who are madly in-love with each other even 40 years after marriage; who claimed to have had past lovers thinking they were soul mates and ended parting ways because of irreconcilable differences...

"simple lang buhay kase, pinapapacomplika pa eh...", Paulito always says...

very well said...

and women expect men to be faithful...

2005-04-04T05:59:00.000+08:00

i have this officemate from work, who i call 2100. 2100 is a person reknowned for her abusive use of phone before shift; the day would never be complete without her calling her boo. she speaks highly of him, and praises him to be faithful, and would never dare cheat on her. she considers her long enough relationship to be rock steady. she is proud to say that she would already want to settle with the guy.

promising relationship, one can say.

then she came to work yesterday, with her hair did, and at least 2 hours early for work. she turned in her phone to the guard on duty. and she was all excited.

"what's up with 2100?", i thought to myself. she was just all wide-eyed and uneasy in her seat...

then at lunch, i learned she was all that because she was waiting on her crush... she was so disappointed to learn that he was absent for the day, and all her exerted efforts were in vain.

i jokingly asked her, "alam ba yan boypren mo? ine-expect mo cia na magaing faithful sa yo tapos ikaw me pacrush-crush pa!". she defensively replied, "oo, noh! alam nia" i didn't believe her. i think no one in the room believed her :) "baket ba? crush lang naman ah! Ala yun! Normal yun!"

yeah right...

while chomping on our lunch ng bayan, binalot, i drifted away thinking about the logic behind crushes... it got me nowhere...

sure there are many beautiful women, and men around. to those who will disagree, they are either blind, autistic, or haven't been to Ayala or G3 at least. young, fresh and yummy yuppies.
some defend their stand on having a crush by sayin "Iba naman yung crush sa love ah!"

sure, i see where they are coming from. but ask 'em this, if their guy/gal of their fantasies are to be mutually attracted to them, and would respond to their signals, or for the guys, make their moves on you... will they give in? many would say no immediately. i say, "yeah right"

Yeah right...
and they expect men to be faithful...

reminiscing high school...

2005-04-03T09:51:00.000+08:00

many say high school life is the best...
i say, "it was..."

last saturday, a group of my high school friends organized a high school section 1 class reunion. honestly i had second thoughts of going there. modesty and humility aside i was very good back in high school. i was in section one from pre-school to high school; finishing top of the class, each and every year till high school, when my priorities changed. finished 3rd best in my graduating class; recepient of many special awards and recognitions, with flat 100% average grade in Accounting, and a Best in Values Education recognition... yep, i know what you're thinking... i, too, don't know where that came from... all these i got without much effort in studying. otherwise i would've finished first! ;P

and our school was not just an low quality and substandard school. at least not back then...

people had very high expectations from me. a straight A student; with countless academic awards under his belt, and a ticket to UP Diliman's holy grounds for college, to pursue a quota course from a much highly regarded Engineering Course...

then life happened... and it almost crippled me...

but i have never cared for what people say and what their opinions are about me. so i went. also, my highschool crush, and textmate will be there, taguro3.

i was really glad i came. many of my high school buds were there, especially taguro3 who was the frist to greet me. it was exactly 7 years when we last saw each other. it was a really good thing to see them again. see her again. many were time capsuled and never changed a bit while some got out of their old shells and got into other people's bodies..

old secrets were shared; from crushes, (of course, i never revealed mine, i'm no sucker...) to old grudges to Jayronn's old supernatural friends. "yung mga makina, meron ding mga buhay yan, kaya kinakausap ko sila para gumana...", jayronn remarked while explaining what exactly he does at trendmicro. from someone who has elves and supernatural sprits as friends back in high school, he has gone a long way. at least machines are tangible... still he brings his ever reliable umbrealla. (at least two fold na, nde na yung semi golf umbrella he religiously brings even on 37 degree Celsius summer days... "baka daw umulan...")

of course, lovelives were discussed; from my Cindy's astronaut and space exploration adventures, to other's attached and everblooming committed lives to other's "single and going strong" celibasy.

many did well in college and managed to be score high-paying but still pencil pusher job. alot benefit from callcenter boom and became instant vamps, while others still pursue college diplomas...

im so glad i came. after crisanta towers, we went to metrowalk to caffeine-ize the night. then after talking for hours, taguro3 and the rest of the girls decided to go to malate. then after malate, tagaytay...

everybody treated the event as if tomorrow is never to come.

everybody had no energy left. it was 9am.
i only have energy to finish this blog. started this on my phone, just barely sync'd it to my pc.

i loved high school. all it's simplicity and carefree-ness. i loved my friends back in high school. wish i could bring back the days... and free myself from love life heart attacks, money woes, work "suckage", and most of all free myself from sleepless nights because life's uncertainties, and burden of being the one to shoulder my family and heave life's trials that are to dawn upon me...

it was a perfect night...

McDo is queuing again...

2005-04-01T06:06:00.000+08:00

mcdo is queuing again...

it was 1:15 am. my lunch buddie and i was sauntering along the back of Paseo on our way to McDo. I'm craving for Chicken McDo tonight. Seventh floor food no longer give me any perks during lunch breaks, so we waste 10 minutes just to treat ourselves to 24 hour golden arches'. the week before salary day, only a handful of nocturnal ayala vamps sojourn mangdo. the crew are all easy going, and fried chicken parts are all available, and best of all no lines to fall into.

this morning, it's different. when we got there, at least 20 people were in line, 70% or the badly lit food area was taken, and the service crew who usually waves to greet you, were in chaos!

"kaswsweldo lang kase...", murmurred abbie."halatang halata talaga pag baging sweldo!", she added. She's right. many are getting 2piece chickens, and mcnuggets with go-large fries and coke, with mcflurries on the side. money is no object tonight.
it's really nice to see young peeps like us being given a chance to earn more than the basic pinoy workforce salary, and being able to spend it the way they like it. being able to treat themselves to good food til they become peasants again until the next payday.
"ubos ubos biyaya..." abi, said while munching on her nuggets...

""oo nga... inubos nila chicken...", i said while i quietly and disappointedly gnawed on my burger...

i wanted chicken....

:'(

and the impoverished was invigorated...

2005-03-31T05:37:00.000+08:00

the mighty eReps of PS were all dull, lacklustered and uninspired last night 'til early morning today. nobody had enough of their own money to even buy themselves decent meals; almost everybody has been scourging their small coin purses and gathering enough change to buy themselves food from 7th floor foodcourt. salary day was moved to a 31.

a 180% turn from the mighty attitudes of the eReps during the first days after salary day. everybody having a good time, spending too much on over-priced meals, and extravagant mall and bar hopping during weekends, or restdays depending on schedules... eReps mutates to Ninja turtles who feast over 20 inch monster pizzas and KFC's that they can hardly consume and are often times left in the pantry as leftovers... taxi rides are chicken feed, and gas consumption for road trips are least of their worries...

early morning today, before i left the building, dark heavy clouds loom over the PS floors in JG. all computer monitors have a common color combination white background, red banner and small icons forming a circle. everybody's on bancnetonline... carefully and patiently refreshing it every second; hoping with the next F5 key press, the 2digit figure on account balances will increase... text messages from people on their RD's keep flooding cellphones asking for updates...

9 hours ago... standard chartered accounts were all replenished... and 8 hours later chinabank managed to cross it's country's Great Wall to put cash on eReps accounts... even if the salaries for this cut-off are way off mark with the expected cash flow everyone is expecting, (salaries are hacked by numerous cash deductions, and gov't plundered taxes...) everyone was invigorated...

everyone has only one thing in mind...

how to spend their hard earned, and eagerly awaited dough; fast enough to spend it and treat themselves to luxury before they starve themselves again to a point when they can barely make it till next week; and hungrily wait till next payday...

work is no more fun...

2005-03-29T18:23:00.000+08:00

days are becoming longer these days...

i was always known as an early bird for everything... same goes for my shift... i would always be at least an hour early for work and i tend to always have a positive outlook with my job, no matter how mentally challenging it can become...

that was then. i really don't know if it's just me or is it caused by many circumstances that i have been through lately or it is just the summer heat. i really don't know.

just the thought of going back to work is beginning to be a challenge. is it because of the work load that has been lain over our backs to heave, us being elnk's universal agents? is it because of the fact that people i have worked with though the past years have left or has very nearly planned resignations? or is it because of the new celphone-less, browsing-deprived, network restricted ops floor policies that have just been laid out? is it the fact that i have been working on this account with no growth at all? am i already tired of the work i'm doing? is it the negative vibes that has been looming all over our ops floor? is it just because if my latest QA score where i just got a highlight on the scale?(damn my QA! damn her for being OC!)

or is it my personal life affecting my job? i haven't settled my personal bouts yet... i have been bearing a lot of problems from back home. i haven't been mentally at peace with my love life situation. i dont want to give up on my Ex. pathetic as it may soound, i still not over it yet. many times i have been tempted to move on and find a new one (it wasn't as hard as i thought it maybe!); but there is something in me that somehow still feels for cindy. i don't know. is it also because of our impending high school reunion wherein i'm not that confident to face my classmates yet? i don't know.

i really don't know much lately...
but one thing i know is that i'm not thrilled to work here anymore...
i'm tired...

if someone can shed light on these feel free to keep it to yourself... :P
kidding...

i just wanna lie down, lick my paws and clean myself to sleep. i don't wanna think anymore.
i'm just tired...

Access: Denied

2005-03-28T18:55:00.000+08:00

and i thought banning celphones on the Ops floor was bad...

our demented VP in PS removed access to all networked drives. one can't even access the local drive of the machine he is logged on to. All right-click actions are restricted, and run and command prompts are of no use; the desktop icons are gone, and all archived mails are locked. they warned us that they will remove our personal drives last week , and they instructed us to save our files to our desktop or local drives; and the numbskulls locked all file access... Genius!

and we are a technical support account...
great, just great...
im not having fun anymore...

wholly weakened

2005-03-25T05:38:00.000+08:00

and it was time to reflect...

i was lucky enough to have such a blessed schedule at work this period, i have friday dawns to late mondays sunset times of no work... as i write this blog, i am already on my way to the province... i know i have nothing much to expect from our dear old little barrio nothing specail that is... but that nothingness is what i crave for this week. this is also a "holy" weekend season... and it should extra nothingness to our set-up back home.

i have been through a lot about this past quarter of 2005. and i have done things that i am not so proud of, and have had too many not so shining moments... i have had slumps in life, and i personally know all of my wrong doings... i want to change... that i know... and i would take this time off to gather my thoughts and regroup my scattered being.

each and every person has their own cross... i'll learn to deal with mine... and if possible try to heave it with a smile.

"handheld-less" ops floor...

2005-03-24T05:45:00.000+08:00

"oi! bawal na raw celpon sa floor, sabi ni manong gard! iiwan na daw sa guard bago pumasok!" murmured one of my officemates while he was logging out from work.

i just got to the office then, and it didn't really sink in that much. at least not yet. i went on my business of booting up a pc to set-up my daily tools. the evil stepsisters were again occupying my computer... i never argue with bad-ass ugly people, so i never bothered confronting them.
then as the sun started to put itself to sleep... more and more murmurs, and whispers were heard about such a stupid idea.

then at 2AM, the stupid idea grew into a policy; now it's official. Tim Miller, emailed everyone he can find on his address book, and announced th "no cellphone/PDA" device rule on the floor. the reason behind the silly idea was indeed more stupid, and baseless... he noted, and i quote, "As offshore outsourcing increases, more customers are inquiring as to how we protect their data & what we can do to increase their comfort level. "

he thinks that restricting ops peeps with their handhelds can help restricts information leakage. we all have outlook and email access, for God'd sake!!!

each gmail account can hold 1Gig of information, and each email account has 50 invites; do the math, that's a whopping 50Gb storage space available for just one individual! if one was to get sensitive information from out databases, no one will use or utilize the puny 10 - 90Mb memory of a handheld. what would one do with such information anyway! we just use our mobile to text our loved ones and call people from the real world who we left behind to be in a friggin nocturnal callcenter environment! i have 11 hours of office work, not including the pre and post shift stays... that accounts to almost 15-17 hours!!! im more in the office than anywhere else in a day!

they say for emergency purposes, family can call the work force... yeah right! as if they will patch over the calls to us, and one more thing, how about people whose families are in the provinces! Inconsiderate fools!

i don't know where that psycho got the idea he can protect information if we were cellphone deprived! and what ticks me most is the fact that only the underpaid and overworked slave eReps are to be affected; all of them bad asses get to keep their CP's. it's not fair!
if they were really into security, consider it illegal to have a pen and paper at work , for one can utilize them to write their oh-so-precious information! or before logging out from work, check the palms of all agents for one may write credit card numbers on them!

PSYCHOS!!!

two less lonely people in the world...

2005-03-21T17:58:00.000+08:00

just got to my workstation, while i was cleaning out my Outlook (yep, it was crammed up again by my spammer officemates, especially Nathan Lifesuck. :D, the duke of spammers...); when suddenly i had that funny feeling that everyone was staring at me... it was not just a feeling... my friend from work was hollering my name..."Mr. R.C.F", (he loves calling people by their complete names). i couldn't hear them because i had Tamia blaring "officially missing you". "Bago sapatos, ah!", Chris snickered, looking at my Nike's. I just smiled back. yep, i treated myself to a new pair of rubber shoes the moment i got my tooth ripped out of my mouth. then he teasingly asked me "meron ka naman music, baka stephen bishop na naman yan... Musta na kau ng girl mo? ok na ba kayo?". i replied, "Ganun pa ren, alang kwenta... lang pagbabago." "Kami nag-usap na kami(referring to his gurl) kahapon. Ok na kami ngaun", he happily added... I playfully and jokingly thought to myself... "HMP! kaya pala ang saya mong magtanong! HMP! Ok na pala kau! HMP..."

honestly, i really felt sincerely happy for him; for them. i for one know how much the feeling sucked... err... sucks to be out of a relationship, (oh yeah, it sucked 1000folds that of a toothache); a relationship, both parties (usually) wanted to work; a relationship cherished by the man and the woman who made it and share it.

i have been playing a role as a love doctor to my friends, even way back in high school; ironic to the fact that i was a girlfriendless aleck back then. i am proud to say that i was and is an effective advisor to my schoolmates and friends, that i was able to patch up most of their heartproblems. i always thought highly of love, and i will continue to do so.

it pains me to think about the hurt one has to bear during LQ's and squabbles...
it is really rewarding for me just to see that they were able settle their differences, and go on with life, with their hands still clasped strongly to one another.

same feelings go out for my friend Chris. i was 10% envious, of the fact that he managed to get his girl back already :'( but still 90% of me is very glad that they were able make it through another one of lovelife's problems... and I wish them luck in the years ahead...

The world is a sea full of sorrows; it has more than enough supply of lonely people that could last it 5more centuries... good thing there are... (as howard greenfield and the rest of Air Supply would put it...) "two less lonely people in the world, tonight...

this too, shall pass...

2005-03-20T22:37:00.000+08:00

no matter how hard everything seems; how hard and unending it may seem, everything has an end. it has to end sometime...

same goes for toothaches...

after a 2hour surgery, P1000 worth of mefenamics, and antibiotics, 2 days of confinement, 2 quarts of tears and a wide array of prayers to saints and holy people i barely new the names... it's over.
i have managed to get the better of my nemesis...
my third molar was out...

no more misery, no more tears, no more sleepless nights...
good thing my mum was with me, i have someone to take care of daily stuff while i was recovering. hospital food usually sucked even after surgery, we had pizzas for dinner... nothing of that soft diet crap... though it hurt, it was bearable, and i was assured a will be 100% pain free in the coming week.

toothache free... yep, i'd love that...
looking forward to that.

there are really some fights that one can win, some, one may lose but small wins they may seem, we must appreciate them, for most of the time, small victories matter in winning wars...

when One beomes Two...

2005-03-18T06:24:00.000+08:00

last night before my shift started, my lunch buddie and seatmate in the office came in late, late at least based on her standards for she is one if those early birds coming into work... she was crying. i was on a call, then hitting the mute button i whispered to her, "you ok, gurl? " she looked at me and she shook her head, and she mumbled, "nde", in her saddest face i've ever seen. this is a girl who i have never seen unhappy (look at my testi for her).

i thought to myself, this is serious, something is wrong... then she reached for her headset and called her boo.

they were fighting. i thought to myself, for a girl who has always been happy and contented with life to be cryin and this upset, the guy must have had done her wrong that bad... i went on with my call and as soon as i finished, i turned to her and in a condoling tone, i asked her, "baket? (why?)". "ang tanga tanga kase! ang tanga tanga!" i continued lookin at her as if asking for more information. "biro mo, sasabisabihing tumawag ako , tapos wala naman pala sa kanya yung cellphone!", she added angrily. with my elbows resting on my knees, i almost dropped myself on the floor. "yun lang?" i dumbfoundedly remarked! "OO! ang tanga tanga kase, pudpud na daliri ko pagdial, walang sumasagot, yun pala wala sa kanya cellphone, nagpatawag pa!" still perplexed with the simplicity of the situation and how bugged she was, i turned my back, and went on with my business.

again, my mind began being filled with thoughts about love; how good it feels to have love spicing up one's life and how bitter it is to lose it.

my mind drifted again to neverneverland and i remembered the times i have spent with my ex. i know it feels really pathetic inside out; many criticize me because it has been two months already and i have yet to recover fully from my last heartache. many do not know our love story, that's why they can never understand what that girl meant to me. then again, i am one of those people blessed with the characteristic of being unaffected by other people's opinions.
i still miss her. even if we still go out, it's not the same as it was before. i've been with her for seven years, and it seems only like yesterday when i called her baby, and now it seems i hardly know her... it hurts still...

but life has to go on. in fact i'm moving on... hurting still... but moving on.
considering what my ex and i has gone through the years, my officemate's problem seems very petty. of course, i don't know them long enough to judge them; im sure they have had their own share, but one thing is for sure, ours were ten folds worse, andwe got through it all before... why one may ask? we faced them both hands clasped with one other... it was always us two against the world... we conquered each and every trial that life threw at our direction. we dodged most of them, and conquered the rest. but what broke us apart was the fact that it was not the world against us. it was the two of us...

(Damn! as i write this letter, stephen bishop cried "Separate Lives" again! i should really consider deleting this from my playlist... chaka na lang...)
i just thought and realized that from all of the break-ups that i have heard of, the common denominator is if one of the couple should give up on the relationship, or one would let go of the partner... they have all been torn apart by each other and not by others, and situations, but by themselves alone... they were never external...

i thought to myself, if that were the case, people who have found true love are indeed very lucky; very blessed people indeed! people who have loved their partners and have grown old with them till their gray. i envy those people.
and they say life is fair... tsk... tsk... tsk...
i have one word for these people

N-A-I-V-E.

my tooth still hurts... :'(

Daily Perks

2005-03-17T19:18:00.000+08:00

my friend's sup at work, once asked his agents,"aside from sweldo, ano pa reason bakit kau pumapasok?". He asked me the same question... i nosebled...
many see callcenter work as very simple kind of job; you come in, sit your ass for 8-11 hours in front of a computer then take calls...
many do not realize, how stressful some calls can become, especially with "E". one call may start from a simple one question, one answer to a complex 4 computer, intermittently connecting home network bound by E- supplied routers that lost their internet connectivity on two computers, and lost their emails after installation of E's programs, not to mention their emails are not working because of billing issues as result of duplicate accounts...
bummer....
when pau asked me about what i look forward to the start of a work day... i thought... nosebled... then i smiled... :-)
i personally think everyone needs an inspiration to go to work. 11 hours is tough to spend in an evironment enveloped by all-work and no-fun things... just the sight of our avaya phones and our dull gray computer monitors just make me wanna throw-up... especially in my shift where only 5 people are staffed on the average...
it's a good thing that we have moved back to our original floor where a different department of our company burrows it's head...
one of them is my daily perk. i call her taguro2. she is not the prettiest of women but there is something in her that catches my attention... she is my daily perk... she is the reason why i go to work everyday... save for the money part of course...
but bad thing is she's been absent for 2 days now... her co-workers say she had been sick... i wish that she will get well soon... i miss her... :(

bad trip... i still have my stubborn toothache... i have low energy, and "perk-less". this is going to be a long night...

give me liberty, or give me toothache

2005-03-16T17:46:00.000+08:00

tor·ture (tôr'chər)
n.

1. infliction of severe physical pain as a means of punishment or coercion.
2. An instrument or a method for inflicting such pain.
3. Excruciating physical or mental pain; agony: the torture of waiting in suspense.
4. Something causing severe pain or anguish.

i've been very pre-occupied during the past few days... not with work, not with women, not even with sleep.

i've been persistently tortured, tormented by a possibly impacted wisdom tooth! the first time it bothered me was about 3-4 years ago when the bastard started emerging it's ugly face from my ripped gum. i was 3rd year college and it costed me 5 schooldays, 12 sleepless nights and around P 500 - P 700 worth of painkillers!

got it checked up, and light cured -filled then my misery was over... so i thought...

4 days ago, the demon was for some reason disturbed from his long dormancy... first i thought, nah... i should go away in a day... drank 1 ponstan 500, 1 amoxicillin 500, 1 biogesic 500, and then gargled betadine oral antispetic myself to sleep... yep, i groggy, borderline overdosed... and heart was throbbing at 90mph... but i told myself, i'll be fine by the afternoon...

Man, was i wrong!!!

I need to go to work that afternoon. the moment my trusty old toothbrush entered my mouth, "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

i hit the darn thing dead center, and i just died!
i felt every nerve ending in my body rip , and my whole jaw was throbbing, and ARGH!!!
that's the most excrutiating pain i have ever experienced!

that was 4 days ago, here i am now, still in pain, getting through the day with the aid of paracetamols, mefenamics, and amoxicillins... duwanna absent my self from work, so i decided to wait it out till my rest day... one more day... 24 more hours... and i can already have that freaking imp out of my mouth for good! i don't care if it's still a good tooth; i want it out, my dentist advised me root canal, but friends who had undergone same operation described pain as thrice the original problem. give me all kinds of other operations, and i will watch it done on me. my microdiscectomy (slipped spinal cord disc operation) was no challenge for me, just don't give me dental aches...

life sucks... :'(

and days became longer...

2005-03-14T17:34:00.000+08:00

most of the time people complain of the things they already have. people don't tend to appreciate things that surround them... from material things like their car being old and not the latest SUV bir truck or the 2F2F Nissan Skyline; their Nokia mega-pixel cam with PDA functions that has bluetooth and wifi capabilities wishin it would be the newly laucnhed tera-pixel, rainbow-colored tooth, broadband pda phone that can also be used as a vacuum cleaner; to our special someones... :'(

also one thing we always take for granted is the daily routine that we live by day-in and day-out.
some are bored to death with their daily set of tasks and are always asking for changes... we always take for granted the fact that that routine we hate is a day gone by with ease and it just means that we can bear it... a boring routine based and lived day means it was smooth sailing...

i was one of those who took for granted that uninteresting, tiresome and dull life...

it's my second day that my unloved, and uncared by life was made more miserable by my toothache... graveyard work was made worse, and longer i might add... eating was transformed from bliss to a challenge, and the feeling of being unloved was made more obvious and distinct...
i miss my girl... if she were here... pain could have been more tolerable... life will be less miserable.

but then again, for now, i'm alone... bordered by four big walls of my apartment, stared at by three lonely puppies on my poster... whimpering still in pain ... ;'(

"trooth hurts"

2005-03-10T05:17:00.000+08:00

and i thought heartaches were the worst...

a badder, meaner, devislishly more sinful form of physical is bound my way...
an old foe... an old archenemy...my own personal nemsis...

just the thought of it, makes me shiver...

...my wisdom tooth is starting to ache!

Help me, oh Lord... this is going to be a long week...

chocogem and the 33rd floor pantry...

2005-03-07T17:22:00.000+08:00

our office pantry is host to an array of exciting beverages... soap-tasting coffee, bland-looking creamer, unsweetened sugar, Lipton tea bags (im no fan of tea...), and chocogem (a three-in-one chocomilksugar mix). if you're lucky, you may find half drank 1.5 liter "unspirited" cokes, 3 day old C2 bottles, unopened KFC or Jollibee take out drinks still left untouched inside the plastics with 15-20 unused straws, 20 day X colas in the ref and loads of left over starbucks frap foams... take note... foams... left over foams still cherishly stored in our dear old ref. still couldn't figure out why would anyone leave the foams... autistic.

but then again, everyone in our floor is autistic... we only vary in the degree of autism that has dawned upon each and everyone of us...

our pantry is like a 4-5 foot walled enclosure built for weight conscious poeple. why? it is the most diet-conducive(if there is such a word) place i've ever seen... when you take out your lunch to eat there, you will be stripped of your appetite once you see the elnk posters bordering each and every wall, reminding you of each and every new split skill available for your job on your way to "universal agent-dom". this is especially effective when you're just alone, in taking your lunch because you will be facing an-ill colored yellow wall of nothingness... if you're not alone, everyone you meet in the pantry will either be taking a breather from a long call or ranting about how ill scored his QA was, or how high is his/her AHT... next thing you know, appetite is gone; it's either you would eat quickly, or not eat at all...

thank God for mangdo, and kungfu chicken... but then you can only have much of them in a week.

that's why i like chocogem, just take one or two packs and your good for another 3-4 hours... then you can have real breakfast... until then...

no wonder we are all autistic...

Life Reformat 101

2005-03-06T20:07:00.000+08:00

i got up early today to go to Pau's house to get OS installers and patches for my Ex's pc. I, again have entasked myself, or a better word for it was volunteered myself to fix their pc for them. some patches for winxp were added by her cousin and ended up with a messed up registry... a reformat was needed.

i bought her some flowers first before going to Pau's house. i was really not myself this morning. i almost paid double for the mums i bought my girl, because i forgot i already handed the man what's due. it's a good thing i bought the flowers from my old school's flowershop. the salesperson was kind enough to return my dough... i was nervous.

i just spent an hour at my friend's house to get the stuff i needed for her pc's operation. then i went straight to C's house to try to fix it as soon as possible so i can buy myself time to get some more sleep for my shift tonight.

when i got there, she was busy cleaning the house in her nice but sweaty gray razor top, and her black cycling shorts. they were preparing for a mini feast. it was her cousin's birthday. I sat myself down in their couch, and just watched her. She was also making something out of the flowers i bought her last week. they're still fresh and still pretty. though not as pretty as my girl... ex-girlfriend that is... (for now, i wishfully-thinking said to myself, for now...just for now)

then she was to take a bath, when i pointed to the pc, gesturing if i can already work on it. then she smiled. it was the most beautiful smile.

i whipped out the surgeon's tools: 2 winxp installers; 1 main and 1 back up, ms office xp cd, 256MB sd card, card readers and loads of driver packs...

after saving back up on the slave, i quickly ran the winxp in the BIOS screen... i unpartitioned the primary drive, then tried to do 2 partitions... everything was going smoothly then light flickered... power surge! then the dreadful blue screen of death!

of course i didn't let them notice that i'm as cold as ice already! if it were my pc, i'd be calm. i know how to work out these things... but this my girl's pc! i was coldbooting and clickin and clickin when C playfully hit me in the head, snarling, "Baket ka na naman bumili nito!", hitting me with flowers i had bought her. then i turned around and once again i saw her with her bossy stance, hands on her waist and a playful smirk on her face... i smiled back at her...

when i turned around, her pc somewhat afraid of it's boss got itself out of it's coma, started working again... C went about her business and i had gone about mine...

i would say that computers are also like women... they can be so stubborn... i had to do 5, yep, 5 reformats just to get that darn thing up running... after finally making her internet connection work on her pc... i turned around to my girl and said done... im done... im beat... it's 4pm... i have shift later at 8. sh*t! good luck to my calls later; then she sat by me, and smilingly went about her newly cleaned not to mention souped up pc... she was happy. i was happy...

we handed over the pc to her older brother and her cousin... she popped in Shrek2 cd and sat down on our fave couch... then everythign came back to me. i was home... i have my girl by my side, we are in our fave couch, we have her cats circling the room, watching a movie... all the miseries are worth it.

i know we can't hurry love... specially in our case right now. but somehow me rubbing shoulders with love again, with her by my side, with the smell of her hair... something's can never be wrong... i won't rush her... it's all a matter of time...

love is like pc's; multiple reformats are frustrating, but when you get it right... it's bliss.

Trip to Quaipo ver. 0.86

2005-03-03T23:49:00.000+08:00

couldn't help myself from going out my way to make my girl happy... some of my friends see me as a loser... they say life goes on... i should go on and forget my girl. some say, "sayang lang pagod mo, pag wala na, wala na" But i never did care about what people say. I never cared about what people think of me. I took care of myself, and i take care of my family, so i owe them sh*t. and i will not be moved...

had to admit, i had doubts...no, actually it was more of fear. fear of being hurt again. but i asked my ever dependable seatmate Abi, about what should i do... in her simple words, she said, "kung ikasisiya mo, bakit nde?" She is right... if it makes me happy, why not do it.

630am, i found my ass amid the sea, literally sea of flowers at dimasalang... they have the prettiest flowers... I had to find the kind that would match what C is made of, and what she deserves on this special day... It's her first anniversary at kapuso network.

after 2 hours of scouting and canvassing, i got me my gift. it was gorgeous... im excited! though im still contemplating how to give her the flower... will i just have the "manong" at GMA to have it delivered to her office, with an unsigned envelope... or shall i ask her to come down to personally give it to her... im still undecided...

after one lousy jeepney ride from dangwa to quiapo, exhausting overpass climb, a very uncomfortable fx ride from recto to Xing Mrt station, and long walk to the Jamboree entrance, it was 9:30am. Im ready... i finally decided to just ask her to come down an djust give out her gift...

i gave her a ring and there was happy voice on the other line... amid tricycle roars... i asked "where are you?" her schedule was 8am to 5pm, she should be at GMA by now. then she said..."nasa tricycle! nasan ka? "meron ako seminar ngaun, 11 pa pasok ko!" langya. maghihintay pa pala ako... hay...

1 hour 34 minutes later, she came rushing in... she was 4 minutes late... then she cam back out of the gate...with a crumpled forehead... "ano ba yun? bakit ka nagpunta?" then i handed her the flowers... then she smiled...

i waited 6 hours for her, endured a seemingly endless trip from Ayala to Dangwa to Xing to Kamuning, with barely enough to strength and sleep, i saw her for two minutes... two minutes... but for some reason... it was worth it...

Time, Space, Warp...

2005-03-03T05:28:00.000+08:00

it's 5:10am, thursday... it just hit me... it's the start of my three day rest day already... my office friend swapped with his Thursday RD for my Sunday since, as he would out it, he "really, really, really" needs it... I gave in... eventhough i had to give up my sunday night couch... and i would also miss ch23 primetime to late night tv series... not to mention the late, very very late night movies on kapamilya or kapuso... darn... why did i ever give in... oh well... he is a friend, and he's also a family man. let him have it... carlo... let go...

let go... such simple words... yet so strong...
i was already moving on... yeah Im heartbroken, fine... i admit... i had to let her go... she was asking for space... fine... i'm no selfish man... i let go... it hurt... but i told myself wallowing is not healthy, not to mention costly... i am moving on... was moving on ...

til i got this email from my ex- lover, C. C emailed me, "Oi, nasa kin yung sunglass mo! nakita ko na!". i tried to ignore it... even if that sunglass costed me 4,000... fine... i thought, hey... i don't need to be reminded anymore... but on my cellphone were 2 sms's... "OI! Shades mo na sa kin"
then for two consecutive days, I have been in contact with her... i have always loved that woman... i can't say i don't want her anymore... that would be sheer hypocracy!

One sms conversation went like this... "Loy, kaw ba nagautoload sa ken?"
12 hours later, i replied, "Oo, ako nga..." (She wasted her load replying to my chikka messages because it costs P3 per reply...). She thanked me and noted it wasn't necesary... "Libre mo ko dinner, gutom na ko", i jokingly texted her...
dunno why, but that's what came to my mind... she said, "Ikaw manlibre, la na ko pera, kakasweldo mo lang...".

the thing is, this is, was how our conversations before usually go... then after fighting the pain of losing her for 7 weeks now... the pain is coming back again...

it really sucks... i feel really pathetic...
im really tempted to invite her out... i know she would go out with me... that's no problem... thing is it's the after the date is over... i am afraid to get hurt again...

"Baka naman nahanap na nia yung space nia?", argued my Pau when i told him about the matter... SPike, Pau's special someone says, "Ganun talaga babae, pag nararamdaman na nila na lumalayo ka na, dun ka nila hahabulin...". "Pero wag muna ka sumama... wag ka muna pumatol sa bitag...", commented Spike. I was really bothered by the term "bitag " she used... I got too confused with it that i never got the chance to have her elaborate on it...

I'm confused... I nose bleed...

today is her 1 year anniversary at her work in GMA. im very much tempted, at the same time hesitant to get her a present... at least a flower... im confused... i want to go to Dangwa and buy her flowers... she loves flowers... but what will it mean to her? now that it won't be coming from her BF but a newly inaugurated ex... what am i trying to imply? i dunno...

Im confused... I nose bleed...

24/7 parlor?

2005-03-02T18:02:00.000+08:00

my hair is already 1 month old, it's been bugging me for the past couple of days now.

someone to put a parlor business for call center people, er... maybe not just call center people but also people in graveyard shifts... or nocturnal people for that matter I got off work 5am this morning was already on a hunt for a barber shop... I know... i know... not one barber shop is crazy enough to open at 5 am in the morning but just wishful thinking, with only 2 hours of energy left I went off to scout the dark and gloomy streets of Boni. I started from the McDo area near the MRT station to the tiny weeny alleys of the outskirts of the mighty Boni.

Next thing I know, it's 7 am already and I'm in the middle of nowhere, actually I'm already in the Ortigas area... and still no barber shop in sight.

I took a cab back home... yes, it's that far already! no wonder I'm dead tired... So, i told myself, "nah, just forget it, mamaya na nga lang bago pumasok! tsk tsk tsk..."

"HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR, EIIYOH!!! COOBA COOBA COOBA, HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR", goes my alarm... it's 4pm... just giving myself 30minutes to shower and dress up then i rushed to the nearest parlor. There it was... finally it's open... yes it's open... with at least 7 freakin customers in line! ARGH!

well, that's life. you just gotta deal with it. tomorrow is another day...
but how i wish someone will think of investing on a 24/7 parlor shop... or at least a GY shift friendly one...

Space, Anyone?

2005-03-01T17:21:00.000+08:00

Damn...
I have always considered myself strong in everything I do, and I have alwaya managed to dodge each and every obstacle life has evr thrown at my direction... I am strong, and has been strong... I am a survivor... I have nine lives... has yet to waste one... That was me. Lately i have found myself lying in my bed, actually not a bed... it's more of one ply bed cushion mattress with just enough cotton inside to make the floor "sleep-able". Bored and uncontented... Not that this was the first time i felt such, but this time I think I felt I'm dying, or at least a part of me is dying...I have been trying my best to make do of the days... I have never felt this down in my life.
There is an immense emptiness; - a word really found (take note found) corny, inside.
Then my phone rang; it was my good friend from work, Pau blaring at his newly bought and abused Sun Sim... "Dude! punta ka na dito! Kain tayo!" 30 minutes later, I found myself in an Ayala bus, aremd still with my SAP packed with mp3's... all was well and good... I was starting to feel better when Stephen Bishop started with his "Separate Lives" sh*t. F*ck! I'm back to square one! Being heartbroken by the woman you I loved for 7 years was bad enough, but what's worse than that is living life after she had gone out of my life. She is still out there lookin for space... Space. Damn...
The bad thing about long time relationships is that it will involve almost each and every place around you, each and every song on the radio, each and every event and occasion; and it hurts everytime you come across them... it hurts bad...I really miss my girl. Damn... as soon as the song stopped, I found myself in from of the JG summit elevator...Damn... I'm at work again.Life sucks...

Mondays... I hate Mondays...

2005-02-28T21:20:00.000+08:00

I know it has been said and quoted a million times already, to a point it has already reached cliche-dom, if there is such a word, but I really hate Mondays... I have just spent, err... wasted three Rest Days of my work week. Being in a call center environment really takes away your Life; Life as we know it, that is. Working in from a Graveyard shift from 6pm to 5am, for 4 straight days then being on break for three "normal" days is not as easy as it sounds. After my circadian rhythm has normalized for three days, it will shift back again to my vampiry nights, leaving me awake for 24 hours straight from monday morning to dawn of tuesday... One good thing about today was my bus ride from Pampanga to Manila. It was the most relaxing ride I have had for the longest time. It was a Philippine Rabbit bus; those which come with big spacy seats and nice air conditioning... I had my headset on, and my 30 song playlist running on my trusty old SAP, man... it was bliss...4 hours later, I find myself in the office with barely enough stamina on to last me 5 hours... and I have 8 more hours left in my shift... Lord, help me... Good luck to my calls...

7 fridays in a week?

2005-02-25T05:11:00.000+08:00

It's friday again; the best day of the week. Friday early morning is the only driving factor for me when starting off my work week. The moment I step into the office vicinity; the moment i smell the stuffy stench, er... stench is such a strong word... let's go with malodor of the office carpet on the 33rd floor... all im looking forward to is Friday mornings...

friday mornings not only signifies the end of the workweek, but it commences the 3day rest day for me... it's literally 72 hours of freedom from work... freedom to do whatever I want... freedom to waste time... This week, I'll be on my way to our province... not that there is anything to do in the ghost town... but it has already been a full month since i had gone there... I'm looking forward to seeing my cats... creatively named Itim (pic in my profile) ; and our barako, Muning; my dog, who has never taken a bath for at least a year now because he refuses to (again i had a hard time thinkin of his name, so I gave dubbed him, Tuta...), and my dear old car... who i have not steered for the longest time.

i have enough dough saved to have it's aircon filters cleaned and compressors changed, so Im really looking forward to coming home this weekend to give the old lady a test drive...

Also, I have never tried the new North Expressway which is miling each and every motorist that dared pass it's way... Let's see if the crappy commercial the government has been airing is at least 2% of the truth about the controversial route... I'm just hoping it would be a smooth ride home... I have my SAP and newly bought 256MB Sd card packed with wma's sacked... I'm ready for a break... I'm just hoping it would be long ride so I can enjoy the morning scenery of my dear old Pampanga while sound trippin myself home...

no wonder we don't have 7 fridays in a week... because it that were the case... fridays could be mondays! then it would suck...