Time, Space, Warp...

it's 5:10am, thursday... it just hit me... it's the start of my three day rest day already... my office friend swapped with his Thursday RD for my Sunday since, as he would out it, he "really, really, really" needs it... I gave in... eventhough i had to give up my sunday night couch... and i would also miss ch23 primetime to late night tv series... not to mention the late, very very late night movies on kapamilya or kapuso... darn... why did i ever give in... oh well... he is a friend, and he's also a family man. let him have it... carlo... let go...

let go... such simple words... yet so strong...
i was already moving on... yeah Im heartbroken, fine... i admit... i had to let her go... she was asking for space... fine... i'm no selfish man... i let go... it hurt... but i told myself wallowing is not healthy, not to mention costly... i am moving on... was moving on ...

til i got this email from my ex- lover, C. C emailed me, "Oi, nasa kin yung sunglass mo! nakita ko na!". i tried to ignore it... even if that sunglass costed me 4,000... fine... i thought, hey... i don't need to be reminded anymore... but on my cellphone were 2 sms's... "OI! Shades mo na sa kin"
then for two consecutive days, I have been in contact with her... i have always loved that woman... i can't say i don't want her anymore... that would be sheer hypocracy!

One sms conversation went like this... "Loy, kaw ba nagautoload sa ken?"
12 hours later, i replied, "Oo, ako nga..." (She wasted her load replying to my chikka messages because it costs P3 per reply...). She thanked me and noted it wasn't necesary... "Libre mo ko dinner, gutom na ko", i jokingly texted her...
dunno why, but that's what came to my mind... she said, "Ikaw manlibre, la na ko pera, kakasweldo mo lang...".

the thing is, this is, was how our conversations before usually go... then after fighting the pain of losing her for 7 weeks now... the pain is coming back again...

it really sucks... i feel really pathetic...
im really tempted to invite her out... i know she would go out with me... that's no problem... thing is it's the after the date is over... i am afraid to get hurt again...

"Baka naman nahanap na nia yung space nia?", argued my Pau when i told him about the matter... SPike, Pau's special someone says, "Ganun talaga babae, pag nararamdaman na nila na lumalayo ka na, dun ka nila hahabulin...". "Pero wag muna ka sumama... wag ka muna pumatol sa bitag...", commented Spike. I was really bothered by the term "bitag " she used... I got too confused with it that i never got the chance to have her elaborate on it...

I'm confused... I nose bleed...

today is her 1 year anniversary at her work in GMA. im very much tempted, at the same time hesitant to get her a present... at least a flower... im confused... i want to go to Dangwa and buy her flowers... she loves flowers... but what will it mean to her? now that it won't be coming from her BF but a newly inaugurated ex... what am i trying to imply? i dunno...

Im confused... I nose bleed...