How time flies when you're very, very, very busy....

It's 8:39 in the morning of my last day of the work week. Just finished a 12 hour day and I'm really looking forward to wasting my restdays doing nothing worthwhile.

My mom mentioned last week that she wanted to see the latest Terminator flick and I promised her I'd take her to the movies soon as I have free time...

Me: "Mi, gus2 niong manuod ng Terminator today?"
Mum: "Oo, pero bukas na lang, matulog ka na lang muna dito sa bahay"
Me: "Gusto kong magtulog bukas e. Baket? may gagawin ba kayo today? 10 naman bukas ng megamall. "
Mum: "Wala. Eh di sige, wat time tayo meet? Wag masyadong late para early ren matapos"
Me: "Maaga sana para maaga ren tayo makauwe. " (Thinking early mga 10 i-sa-suggest nia)
Mum: "Okay, meet tayo 2PM. See yah!"

Great.. maaga pa pala ung 2PM sa kanya.. 9 pa lang e.. Even if I leave the office at 1PM, that's still 4 hours that I have to waste. Tsk!

I was Google-ing where I can source 'PAWS' decals which I can stick to my car, and while looking at the different Image results, I stumbled upon a familiar picture. It was Itim! My Blogspot's profile pic!

I quickly clicked on the pic and there it was. My BlogPage is still alive!
Last entry was a year and a month old!

Wow! I can't believe that a whole year has already gone by....
A very busy, yet very fruitful year... a promotion, a new car, trip to Iloilo for meet the parents, new responsibilities, etcetera etcetera....

Thank you, God for all the blessings and I pray for your guidance in everything that I do.

It's now 9:06AM.. great... 3hours and 56mins to go....

Hayz....

Farewell, my friend... you shall be missed...

I received an sms this morning from a very good friend of mine from way back in high school, and it goes..

A boy asked God, "What's the most important thing to give someone?"
God replied, "TIME, my child..."
"But why time, and not Love?", the boy asked.
"Love you can give that... you can have that, you can share that to anybody... but TIME... you can't stop it, nor control it... and worst of all, you can never bring back time that has passed by. So spend your time wisely and cherish it while you still have it.; Spend time with your loved ones because you never know when your time is over.. " God replied..

this is so true.. sadly, there are certain things that we just can't control... nor change...

four days ago, my dog showed signs of losing appetite. this was not something unusual because my dog has always been very picky by nature.. he does not eat dogfood, rice, and vegetables.. he only eats newly cooked chicken, pork, and beef..

so, i said.. "bahala ka, kung ayaw mo, wag mo!" after i picked up his foodbowl with untouched porkchops freshly fried by my mom..

i didn't really worry that much, because this was not a first time.. there were days when he would not eat at all, but just drink water. He'll start eating again after a day or two.. plus, he didn't really change a bit.. he was still the loudest mouth on the block.. he still barked furiously at flies, little insects, airplanes 10,000 feet above him, birds who tried to snatch his food away; he still played with the cats, biting them on the nape, and dragging them back and forth our backyard; all seemed normal, but one..

his pee had blood.. my mom rang the vet soon as we saw the pool of bloody urine. Vet got to our place, and our dog mutated again to his possessed state of anger, which was his normal mode. Still, the vets checked his eyes, hind limbs, coat, gums, and teeth, even his poo.. all normal.. they gave us prescription drugs for UTI treatment, for they claim that UTI is a normal cause of bloody urine. that's the only thing they could think of. We agreed because, he was never a fan of drinking alot of water; and with all protein diet, we thought we can just fix him with antibiotics and that the cause of his bloody urine was bacterial in nature. On the third day of very minimal food in-take, and with him rejecting medication, we decided to just take him to the vet clinic and have him confined. Early the following morning, my mom gave him a bath, to take him to the vet clinic.

But just like any tragedy story, it was too late. Five blocks on the way to the clinic, my dog threw up once, and the pieces of chicken my mom fed him were still undigested. The second time, was his last. As my mom described it, with the little strength left in him, my dog looked at her in the eyes, cuddled, and then died in her arms...

this was my dog, Souyen, a pure-bred Japanese spitz. One of the most spoiled, if not THE most spoiled dog that we've ever had. The loudest, noisiest dog in our neighborhood. My best friend. Lost to an unknown disease. He was four.

Goodbye, Souyen... We love you... you shall be missed...

Birthday Pic

im done..

done bitchin bout the bad things that are coming my way..
how i don't have this..
why others have that..
when will this stop...
whatever did i do wrong..

i've decided to just get up, and get a move on..
nothing will happen just blabbering...

just need to deal with things i can't change..
took this pic at Max's Restaurant, Robinson's Manila..

it was my birthday.. no sleep(dark circles on the eyes have Bombay-look effect on me :D), no material presents..

just happy to have the most important gift i got this year..
still, things are not easy.. in fact, things are getting worse.. erm, more complicated..

but i still have my fingers crossed.. i know things will get better.. so long as i have her...

Birthday Blues

just as expected.. regardless of how sunny days can be during first days of August, it always rains on the 6th.. never fails! 26 years and counting... next year it won't be different.. just hope it's just the rain that won't change..

i'm not saying, birthday was bad.. after all, Dyan flew all the way from Iloilo to Manila to be with me.. and it rained, not just trickle, but down right, i'm-gonna-soak-you-wet-hard rain! woohoo!! love the rain! got the chance to stroll with Dyan under the rain.. simply nice.. very very nice...

so what's wrong? almost everything else! :D

it's just sad to think that when we don't think about serious stuff, things are all beautiful..

but when reality bites(and it's usually down to the bone hard), things start falling apart... and it sucks... sadly we can't live the dream world all the time.. when life gives us a wake up call, we sometimes wake up to a bad dream, or worse, a nightmare..

i wish i can write more positive happy thoughts.. but for now, the most i can do, is wish for better days, months and years to come...

Maybe, my tarot cards are right.. all i can, and should do for now is find a corner, curl up and cry...

- TWENTY-SIX -

It's the last hours of my RestDay last night.. and yes, I was one at home.. it's been a while since I've been grounded, not by anyone else, but lack of dough to move around with.. :D

It's been a long Dyan-less week for me.. Was watching American Choppers (FLOW bike episode with Mickey's Wheel of Blades), where Paul Sr. Paul Jr. and Mickey were doing back-up for a band for a photoshoot. It's the first time I've heard of the band and the song, so I decided to LimeWire it. Found the song's tune catchy,so I decided to check on the lyrics as well.. My, my.. This is my song!

BAD REPUTATION:

I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
You're living in the past it's a new generation
A (man) can do what (he) wants to do and that's
What I'm gonna do
An' I don't give a damn ' bout my bad reputation

Oh no not me

An' I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation
Never said I wanted to improve my station
An' I'm only doin' good
When I'm havin' fun
An' I don't have to please no one
An' I don't give a damn
'Bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me

I don't give a damn
'Bout my reputation
I've never been afraid of any deviation
An' I don't really care
If ya think I'm strange
I ain't gonna change
An' I'm never gonna care
'Bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me

An' I don't give a damn
'Bout my reputation
The world's in trouble
There's no communication
An' everyone can say
What they want to say
It never gets better anyway
So why should I care
'Bout a bad reputation anyway
Oh no, not me
Oh no, not me

I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
You're living in the past
It's a new generation
An' I only feel good
When I got no pain
An' that's how I'm gonna stay
An' I don't give a damn
'Bout my bad reputation

Oh no, not me
Oh no, not
Not me, not me

Hehe.. Nice one... it coincides with what I usually say.. "Tell it to someone who cares, because I don't" or "I've stopped caring a long time ago"...

hayz.. it's one of the reasons why I'm usually misunderstood by many.. it's not that I don't really care about anyone or anything... my agents/few friends can attest to that... it's just that i'm not one of those who will change just to please you.. I'm just not built that way... Not gonna kiss anyone's ass to move up in my career, nor will I smile at you, though I really want to strangle you, or hit your head with my starbucks mug, or say I'm okay, when I'm not.. Hayz... not really sure why I'm explaining myself right now.. Must be one of those birthday blues catching up on me...

Damn.. it's 2:30AM... A year older, not a bit wiser... Oh well... I'll try this year... Good start though... It's my 4th birthday here in PeopleSupport... and YES.. i'm in the office.. still... Si Gina kasi e! Nde in-approve PTO ko eh! hayz... Good start because, I still have a job.. new partner in life... and new Motto... no, i'm not gonna scrap the 2 previously mentioned ones though... just an addition..

Watched Pursuit of Happiness recently and Chris Gardner said and i quote, "If You Want Something Go Get It, Period"...

I wanted alot of things in my life.. it's just that I feel that I have not done alot to get to where i want to be, or get what i wanted..

Maybe, I'm a little bit wiser after all.. Just a little bit by knowing this.. but hey, everything starts from small things...

Happy Birthday, Carlo..

-- E N V Y --

it's been a very long rest day weekend... it would've been nice had it been a long good, relaxing off-the-office weekend.. it wasn't.. it was exciting at first, then turned tiring, then exhausting, then frustrating... had some victories like triumphant move out from Kamuning... out of danger's way; maru's success in warding off his killers... good job, dear! to more frustrating ones like the seemingly endless trek of quiapo, to being party to blame for the barrage of criticisms and sarcastic blows to Dyan... to watching helplessly as dear ones suffer in pain.. to disappointments because of failed operations which we've been praying to work... to being 2seconds salary-rich, then being poor on the third strike of the clock's long hand...

it's 9:28AM... my last morning to sleep til my shift later at 7PM.. end of rest-day.. start of a new week... failed operations, need a think-over if it's worth a second try or is it time for plan B... work-deliverables shall flood again... need to plan for Baguio-trip, God knows how i can afford it this 2weeks before salary, same as Burgoo-meal i promised... ARGH! Bankard statements comes this week, too...

it's 9:34AM...
im here outside our small open-space at the back of the house... Puti is playing fetch the ball, erm, fur-ball with our dog Souyen, her being the ball, as Souyen grabs her by the nape, scrapes her on the ground then tosses her as far as he could, then another and another... on my left is Itim... this is his usual pose by this time of day.. too full to complain, too early to ask for lunch... contented and worry-free...
Mum will always provide them with food, shelter; no problems with work, no QA's to upload.. no bills to pay... no nothing... all that she worries about is how to spend the day..

breakdown of daily schedule (sked mimicked by Puti)
Rest Days Sun - Sat: 6AM - 9PM no Work days...

sleep... Eat, eat, eat... play.. play.. Eat.. sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... play... Eat, eat..sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep... eat, eat, eat, Play... sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep...

ENVY....

thank you spiderman...

it's been a really, really stressful week...

first time in my 25 years that i suffered palpitations, shortness of breath and severe chest pains for almost 2-3 times a day...
first attack, i thought, i just had too many starbuck(one peso only, hence "buck") caffeine shots from our trusty nescafe vendo machine...
but when 2nd and 3rd attack hit me.. i literally fell down on my knees with my headset still on...

reaction? my agents laughed at me...

"Hahaha! supe, ganyan ba talaga kapanget mga calls namen?!! "
still grasping my chest, i grabbed my office chair, rolled my EarthLink Protection Center blanket and laid my very heavy head on it...

"breathe... carlo.. breathe..."
"marame ka pang i-q-QA... marame ka pang agents na i-co-coach..."
"manonood ka pa transformers... " (i know.. it's the second week already.. and yes, i have yet to see it... after waiting for a whole year... after all the anticipation of finally seeing my all-time favorite cartoon/heroes in the big screen.. yes.. i have not seen it yet for lack of time, and lack of money.. yep, i'm that pathetic)

"Think happy thoughts, carlo..."
my stupid agents were still ignoring me.. siyet..
pain was getting worse... migraine attacks followed...
"OMG, is this the end of me? that can't be... mag-aabroad pa ko! susweldo ng malaki... finally nde ko na iindahin ang pagiging sole-bread winner ko! magde-date pa kame ni Dyan next week! bibilhan ko cia Harry Potter book 7... and most important of all, kelangan ko pa makita si Optimus Prime..."

i can't move... i'm having a heart attack...
and i'm alone in my manager's old station which is barricaded by walls, hence no one can see me suffering...

"happy thoughts... happy thoughts... "

finally.. one picture flashed before my eyes... it was Dyan and I's first picture together when we went to Enchanted Kingdom few weeks back...

it was one happy day...

it was one of "free-est" moments... far from everyone else... far from judging eyes of people who knew us; people who knew our situation...

it was one of the best days of my life...

and i am looking forward to have more of those happy moments with my Dyan...

i'm not gonna die here...

sh*t! i'm only 25! too young to retire... not yet! not yet!

i mustered enough energy to raise my head a bit, left arm still grasping my chest...

with a deep breath, i lifted my head higher.. and with one single release of energy, I slammed my forehead on my station!

"UGH!" siyet!

that hurt! but it worked!

my mind is starting to focus on my forehead, and switching it's attention from the chest pains to the big bump on my head....

i got up slowly... and when my knees were strong enough to hold my weight, i dashed towards the elevator lobby to run to the clinic, one floor down..

i immediately asked our company nurse to take my BP...

"120/90", normal po, sir...

normal??

then WTF just happened???

then she did some tests and monitored pulse.. and after an hour of testing and probing...

"you've been under alot of stress, sir... too much stress... you're body can't take that stress anymore... you need to take a breather from your very busy lifestyle.. relax every once in a while", the company doctor said...3

"aba, english speaking ang lolo mo!? astig" i quietly thought as he

gave me lectures about managing stress...

then it hit me...

i didn't need a doctor to tell me that... you don't know shit about me!

being the sole bread winner for the longest time...

having to work with the sh*tty supervisor load that i have with very decent payout, but very very little that's left for myself...

baring with the current situation that i have right now with Dyan and our very complicated situation..

having learned that she was hit by the father of her kid...

having to deal with issues at home with my mum, and her own set of skeletons in the closet...

i'm lucky i'm alive...

i thanked the doctor, packed my bags and went home with Dyan...

now, it's 12:15PM.. i have a shift that starts at 7PM...

i gave my last P100 to Dyan before she rode the MRT and with literally only P4 on my ancient wallet.. oh by the way, did i mention i lost my wallet last month? hayz... STRESS...

anyway, as i was saying, with only P4 in my wallet, 2 shifts to attend til payday this coming saturday morning...

i was left with no choice...

"here spidey-spidey...

sorry, my friend... i know i have not added much for the past few months...

you know my situation, right?

i promise, i'll put everything back if not more, okay?

i'm sorry...

don't worry, i'll take extra care... oryt?

now open wide... "

shit!

i need a new job and a new life.... else.. i might not even reach 26 next month....

monday morning thoughts...

it was a lazy Monday morning... woke up at 4AM to an SMS alert from Dyan.. she's going through alot lately.. we were going through alot for the past weeks now... she said she wanted to talk, but not now.. we'll meet up later around 5-6PM.. but for now, she just wanted to let me know she's fine.. asked me not to reply anymore.. OK.. i know you'll be fine, dear..

BURY, a friend and officemate of mine, got online on YM..
with nothing much to do, i engaged in a YM conversation with her..

"being good is boring", BURY commented.. we were discussing my lovelife and how men/women tend to complicate their boring lives by deciding to mess with Love...

that is so true. we are all given simple lives; but us, being insatiable beings that we are, tend to ask for what we still don't have, what we desire, what we think will make us happy... and almost everyone will risk all that they have just to get their ways, or at least try..

I did.. i know that i chose a different path to tread.. something only a very few shall even entertain the thought, or conider taking it... i know that the world would be against my decisions which are very off compared to society's norms and standards..

but hey.. i don't care... so long as i have my Dyan beside me.. i know i can make it.. BUT... if i fail, then i fail trying...

i stopped caring a long time ago about what people think..
I chose to be different... so did Dyan.. we chose not to be normal...

Why? because normal people can't be special..

no calls sana...

it is my day two of the work week. i've been on "avail" status for 31 minutes, still no calls. that's highly unusual for our account which usually has, on the average 10 calls in queue. but hey, no one's complaining... :)

hay... sana ganito lang buong gabi... :)

fine print....

Remain in me, and I in you. As the branch can't bear fruit by itself, unless it remains in the vine, so neither can you, unless you remain in me
- john 15:4

i received this message from jun, a colleague of mine and decided to forward it to my brother, dale.

he replied,

ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and doors shall be opened for you...

i texted him back,

bro, i ask for one oakley juliet, titanium frame, and fire lens...

he texted back,

it only works if it's good for your soul...

bad trip... fine print!!! HMP!!!