and now. i'm a BALUT?

Balut: A fertilized duck egg that is boiled and
seasoned with salt

Which Filipino Food Are You?
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IM SUCH IN BAD MOOD TODAY!!!!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CARLO<----- BAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm screwed...

Familiarity breeds contempt, while rarity wins admiration. - Apuleius

this is so true...

i have just come into realization why people find it very hard, impossible even, to be happy...
happiness is such, should i say, supposed to be a simple word, yet so difficult to achieve...

one of the most common reason is that people has this mother-fuck*r insatiable need to have things they don't have! and when the fools do get what they wished for they tend wish for more! more and more and more!

and once they have everything they THINK they need; a status quo would be in place for a brief moment... such a brief friggin moment; then when they see them always around them for sometime, seeing them too often that they don't see them anymore! they can walk around them and be all over and not care about them anymore...

this doesn't only pertain to material things... most of the time this happens to people around us; mostly to people who love us...

i once had a discussion with a very good friend of mine who i hold close to my heart.
she says that she always loves 100%. she feels not giving 100% is cheating... she is not comfortable with the idea of not offering everything to her loved one. she says and THINKS it's unfair...

i asked one simple question which put the discussion to a close, "if that were the case, what can you offer tomorrow when you have already everything today?"
i got no reply...

one can do everything he/she can for someone... everything else put aside and sacfriced just to offer his/her all to another person and still end up unloved, worse, unappreciated...
one often gives out their all, because they want it to be reciprocated... most of the time, disappointment follows...

many givers tend to give out everything they can offer, not thinking first that the other person has different needs... hence the all end up with nothing...

people deserve to be unhappy...

they are insatiable ingrates!

f*ck...

too bad i'm also a human being...

bummer...

maanghang yan eh!

we just got back from a our one-hour team meeting with our new supe, cool franz... it's nice to be back on his team. he has always been the most lenient supe on the floor and most pro-eRep kind...

i was to open a bag of clover chips as i sat my ass down my station, when abbie excitedly approached and curiously asked, "wow sarap naman yan! ano yan? hinde maanghang?" she can't stand spicy stuff. an important fact that slipped mind...again.

when she saw the chilis drawn over the cover, i can almost see the dark clouds starting to loom over her head and darkness darwing around me and only a spotlight overhead. "maanghang na naman! maanghang na naman! alam mo naman ayaw ko nang maanghang! selfish! selfish! madamot!" she blared!

it was almost a five-minute rant, similar to how an average internet connection problem call would normally start... like any agent, i endured.

my bad. i forgot.

but what drove me to draft this entry was what she said... er, maybe more of what i heard; maybe i have heard of it before, maybe not... but the thing is, i just came to realize it today...

she said, "blah blah blah.... samantalang ako, pag bumibili ako, iniisip ko, gusto kaya ni carlo to? eto kaya? hmm... pero ikaw, blah blah blah yaddi yaddi yadah..."

it never hit me before. this person cares for me that much...
i wanted to hug her that minute... that instant, and kiss her to comfort her...and whisper, i care that much more for you, too, most of the time!

:)

"sarap ng clover chips! yum yum!
yaan mo, next time, kahit nde masyado masarap nde chili flavor, kahit bbq na lang, basta ka share kita..."

&#^

736

things become special for a reason...
this number was given a new meaning today...
...nice

the fat lady is ready to sing...

end is near...
bad trip...

...

it's 9:45am...

it's raining hard.. i'm stuck here at McDonald's...
i duwanna brave the rain with my P60 payong...
im just writing this entry on my phone... i'm so bored...

just lost my trusty umbrella yesterday on the bus ride home... i fell asleep, and woke up 2 mrt stations past my original destination... i hurriedly got off the bus and seconds later realized i left it by the window... i watched helplessly as the bus drove off with my umbrella...

damn! i loved that umbrella... not because my ex gave it to me, but that umbrella has been my long time companion... i got to use it once or twice for whacking during my college brawls... it had protected me from heavy rains through the years... a comrade to ward off beasts at night during my midnight bus rides to work...

and now it's gone... forever...

damn...

ang lakas ng ulan...
hay...

wet afternoons...

rain was pouring...HARD!

thank God for the rain...the whole day's scorch has been drenched by the cool heavy rains which started after the sun has shone its last rays for the day... i peacefully enjoyed the nice view by my dorm room's window; itim the cat was watching helplessly, stranded between the rooves of the adjacent houses, my neighbors' scampering for shelter as they get off their taxis and taxi-cles as heavy raindrops pound over the rooves down below-- then my mother, who was playing herself to blindness for 8 to 9 hours straight with yahoo games, asked me, "Loy, gutom na ko! kain na tayo!"

we braved the rain to Jollibee which, on a sunny day, uhm...is a 5 minute walk, turned into a seemingly endless journey... journey<-- just the right word...

we got there, with our pants dripping wet...

we sat by our favorite table by the chest aircon...

i got my usual meal: burger steak meal, extra rice, extra gravy, large iced tea... yum yum... with macaroni soup on the side... perfect for the cool weather outside...

then the couple infront of our table caught my attention:(NOTE: nde ako mapanghusga...eto lang talaga tingin ko sa mga tao... nde yata nagme-make sense... pero yun na yun...)

they were both in their late twenties to early thirties. The guy was a dark 5'3 medium built juan dressed in a yellowish white polo, who is probably a factory worker or a security guard. the lady was a pretty brown-skinned 5'0 small built kinky haired woman who i happen to always chance upon in the Boni area almost every other day...

the guy said, "Ano gusto mo, honey?" Girl replied with a smile, "gaya nung dati!"

the guy came back with a one piece burger steak meal, extra rice, small coke, and a small complementary cup of water. the guy happily opened the styro, split the cover and base into two, then carefully unwrapped the rice on the cover and watchfully handed it together with the coke over to his girl.

"Kain na honey", he said.

the girl wrapped one arm to the side of the guy and they sweetly shared their dinner... their one piece burger steak meal dinner... with one coke...

i personally wouldn't ask someone to for breakfast, lunch nor dinner, not even snack like that... but then again, that's me...

as i watched them share their humble dinner, i began to wonder. what's wrong with me... what does this guy have that the other lady sees in him... if she says, "gaya ng dati..." it means lageng ganun... he maybe financially challenged and is just working on a tight budget, but still his woman is by his side... no complaints... of course, i just saw them for like 20 minutes, but then again,i think no gurl, at least in my circle of friends would stand that kind of set-up...

dati nga meron akong friend, napagsalitaan pa ng gf dahil he didn't bring enough dough for movies and dinner. one was even nagged because the guy was making arrangements to split car gas expenses during dates (note: the guy was sporting a mazda rx -8)... some demand flowers weekly, monthsary dates, five-star hotel dinners, jewellery, shoes, mobile phones and cellphone bills.... and the list goes on

and that girl, was none like them....
based on how she moved, how she smiled, how she held her boo; she was happy and contented... despite that arrangement

and me, i just munched on a snack with my mum that was twice what they both had, with an XDA2 by the side, a car, a soon to be erected house, a nice and well paying job, a nice home with people who care about me, and a caring watchamacall-her at work... and still, i still feel discontented...

maybe i just have bigger cups of contentment and happiness to fill than they have...

the couple left with arms around each other, literally intertwined around one another...... inggit ako. masaya sila...

mali ba circle of friends na nasa paligid ko(?)
i don't think so... ayaw ko ren naman ng ganun...

sobra ba demanding mga name-meet na partners(?)
nde ren naman... cguro ganun talaga lang kinalakihan nilang standards kaya ganun ren expectations nila; norms nila

hay layp...

then again, yung iba nga walang makain eh...

ahm... i need a break.

i'm feeling down again...this blogsite has always been my outlet for my thoughts and feelings about my so-complicated life. thank God, i have my own little place to vent out on...

i just got my rejection letter for my application for promotion. Damn! i wanted that job! i really thought i had a very good shot at it. i really did!

but truth hurts! i didn't even make the cut. i didn't even get short-listed...
i wanted to spam back the trainer who denied my application, and demand an explanation why he thinks i was not their man... but i thought, what good would it do? nada. i'm sure i would just be offered excuses... i'm not ready to hear them out, calmly...

ah... to hell with them!
work sucks!

things at home are not doing well, either. my mum and i even had a major argument earlier before my shift started. bad trip. just what i needed to start a work day, er, night.

abbie was being crabby during the early part of the shift. i kept asking and asking and asking what's wrong and she declined to give me her reasons... stubborn little brat! no matter how hard i tried... only to find out she will just "publicly" post it on her blog! argh! WOMEN! you just can win...

hay...

i wish i could blog happier thoughts... i just can't... at least not yet...

carlo <----------- sad, sad, sad...

uncertainties

"simple lang ang buhay, pinapacomplica pa... Nde na dapat! ", paulito advised...

i should've listened.

ang mga bagay na hindi tama sa simula pa lang, eh, malabong tumagal. ang mga madaling nakuha, madali ring nawawala. bad trip...

dapat nung nabigo ako nung una, nanahimik muna ako sa isang sulok. pero ako? si Carlo? Ha! nde pupwede yun sa ken! dapat complikado buhay! eto napala ko... hay naku...

the end is near. i feel it coming. i know it's coming. i am told it's to come, soon.
i should've known better. i should've been wiser. i should've thought deeper, clearer...
i should've considered everything there is to consider.

everything is cool as it is right now...
the best actually... i'm having the time of my life...

the bad thing is, when the day has drawn to a close; as a i lay me down to sleep... i ponder about the thing to come. i don't think i'm ready for it; at least not yet.

i don't need this right now. i didn't need this.
but i wanted it... stupid me.

i don't know which is worse - not knowing end is coming; dealing with the end without knowing the reason why it ended; or knowing end is imminent, with it's reasons clear and present but not knowing how to deal with it when it does...

i really don't know much these days...
my blog entries don't even feel right... nor do they make much sense...

bad trip...